My orignal thread is in the newcomer's section: Original Thread
My wife and mother in law will be moving out of the house on 8/7. She said she is moving out because I kicked her out of the house. This past week had been some what civil and she told me she started having second thoughts, but then the conversation would change and she would get mad. I went to see an attorney 10 days ago and she assumed I was filing so this past Monday, she started the divorce process. I haven't been served yet. I exposed an EA about 5 weeks ago. After that I could see a change in her and we were working on things for 3 weeks. Once a small argument came about she would back away again and we wouldn't talk for a few days. I've been monitoring and I she doesn't have any contact with the OM, but I know she is still grieving and has hopes. She is constantly looking at the OM's GF's FB page and his page, but she is not friends with him so she can't see anything but a few pics. She goes on FB every night to view this. I know that there is no hope for R if she is still grieving over the OM. If I bring up OM, it instantly turns bad and she shuts down. On Friday she left for a 10 day trip with her cousin. I know for sure the OM isn't with them. I'm starting to slowly detach from the situation and her being away is definitely helping. After she gets back we still will live in the same house for 2 weeks. I think my best thing is just to detach and move forward with my attorney if I get served.
M- 28 W- 27 T- 6 years M- 2 years Bomb- 5/13/10 EA exposed- 5/30/10 Separate Rooms- 6/1/10 Divorce filed- 7/12/10 W Moved Out- 8/7/10
Sorry about that. Starting having problems 11/09 and knew see was still talking with mutual friend that I no longer talked to. Marriage starting going downhill 1/10. She suggested consueling but we didn't go til 3/10. Accused her of affair and being dirty 3/10. That is when the physically side of the marriage shut down. She stopped MC 4/10. I moved out for one night and she gave the ILYBNILWY speech 5/10 when I returned. Discovered EA 5/10. D talked about since 4/10.
She is not willing to go to therapy anymore. The MC we used was probably not the best and it did more harm than good.
I caught FB messages back and forth between her and other man. They had been texting each other since 12/09. He got into a R with another woman in 3/10 and then my W confessed feelings for him in May and he turned her down. Saying they were only friends and he didn't want to be the reason for the breakdown of the marraige. Those are the messages I finally caught. I confronted her about it and she confessed to the EA. Said she would defriend him and stop contacting him. I have found a few e-mails from June that she sent but never anything back from him.
After I confronted her we started working on the R and we were good for about 3 weeks and then an argument started and she completed backed away. Now everytime a small speed bump happens she backs away. When I found the e-mails at the end of June right after our argument I gave her the "I won't live in the same house if you are having an affair speech."
She got completely angry and mad with me. I went cold for a week and decided to speak with an attorney. She found out and got all mad about that too. So she ran out and got a lease on an apartment.
Just seems that when things go a little bad she pulls away and starts grieving about the OM again or she tries to contact him. She is obsessed with him and his girlfriend.
We actually had a heart to heart conversation this past Tuesday and she admitted to wanting to work on the marriage but she didn't know what to do. She wanted to think about everything. So this past Friday she leaves me a VM saying she wants to talk about things before she leaves for vacation. I didn't get the message and somehow we got into a little argument and then the cold W comes back out and pulls the, nevermind, we don't need to talk now, we are just done speech. Haven't talked to her since Friday.
M- 28 W- 27 T- 6 years M- 2 years Bomb- 5/13/10 EA exposed- 5/30/10 Separate Rooms- 6/1/10 Divorce filed- 7/12/10 W Moved Out- 8/7/10
WHAT emails did you find in June? This story above says OM called things off IN March...
First piece of advice...
Sit down with yourself and write down word for word both you and your spouse's comments... just like a stage play...
Get to understand WHY the argumetns are happening so you can AVOID THEM.
1. Each time you interact with her and a fight breaks out you do a LOT OF HARM to your marriage. It IS possible to assert yoruself wtihout a fight breaking out. 2. You also need to give your wife three to six months to fully recover from the affair. It looks like it went on for almost six months... you need to give her that long to process that its OVER. She's been building fantasies up in her head for six months, you can't expect those to dissappear in only four weeks.
Especially when she's still visiting his facebook page.
Get a NEW famliy therapist who is halfway decent.
My advice? YOU GO on your OWN to INTERVIEW the FT... if they are GOOD, THEN you bring your wife in...
Its like a boat you want both of you to use... YOU get in FIRST to make sure its SAFE to USE... once its safe then you invite your wife.. you don't both just dive in blind... MOST Family Therapists SUCK.
Update your signature with a detailed history of where you've been both good and bad points so you will get more responses.
Right now I think you are in good shape.
Your wife needs to start seeing a better you... what have you done DRASTICALLY different lately to commit to a better marriage
You can't ask her to return to the old marriage.. That's GONE.. you need to show her what the new one looks like.
I don't see anythign in the story about her filing etiher but your title suggests she has filed with a lawyer?
The OM called things off in May when I exposed the EA and had proof of what was going on.
I have been looking for a new FT, but as of right now she has no interest in going and is turned off to FT because of the one we used. I have my own separte IC.
The major concerns with her in the marriage were emotionally. That we weren't talking enough and she just wanted to go out and do things. We've been remodeling the house we just bought a year ago and took all of our time up.
As of this past Monday she told me she filed divorce papers and paid the sheriff and that I would be served soon. I haven't heard anything from the sheriff yet.
She is now in Ocean City with her 24 year old cousin now for 10 days. Her cousin is definitely not the best person to be with, but that has been her escape through all of this.
When we were working on the R a few weeks back communication improved between us and we started a date night each week and we had set plans days in advanced. Something out of the ordinary for me. She wanted set date nights to have something to look forward to and to be able to get all dressed up to go out. After 1 week she started iniating conversations with me, and started iniating plans. I was able to give her back rubs and foot rubs.
I really don't want her to leave but I believe she is going to.
I am going to write out our comments right now
Last edited by bigdgsr; 07/18/1011:15 PM.
M- 28 W- 27 T- 6 years M- 2 years Bomb- 5/13/10 EA exposed- 5/30/10 Separate Rooms- 6/1/10 Divorce filed- 7/12/10 W Moved Out- 8/7/10
Update: Haven't talked to W since last Friday when she wanted to talk to me about R but started an argument and never talked about it. She's been gone since then and of course her cousin is just posting like crazy on FB and putting up pics of them with guys.I know it is way to see if I contact her. Most of her actions have been tests. Yes it definitely hurts, but I know I need to move forward. I am just not sure what kind of attitude she is going to return with and how to approach the situation. We still will live in the same house for 2 more weeks once she returns.
M- 28 W- 27 T- 6 years M- 2 years Bomb- 5/13/10 EA exposed- 5/30/10 Separate Rooms- 6/1/10 Divorce filed- 7/12/10 W Moved Out- 8/7/10
She's been calling me and texting me all day today. I will not answer her calls or return her texts. Started out as "Just seeing what you are up to and seeing how you are doing and seeing how the dog is, call me or text" and then "are you there" and then finally "thanks for ignoring me".
I think I am doing the right thing.
M- 28 W- 27 T- 6 years M- 2 years Bomb- 5/13/10 EA exposed- 5/30/10 Separate Rooms- 6/1/10 Divorce filed- 7/12/10 W Moved Out- 8/7/10
