as Rob put it I find my self in the tough days right now. I did send her a text that said my opinion does not matter, they are your feelings, and I have violated that trust, again.
I feel my response shows remorse, for doing it, and since I sent that she has not texted back. Either she is digesting it, or got busy at work. I feel on top of my game at night, then days I feel like a frickin worm.
You need to distract yourself, too much of your current energy is invested in this and you are drained and you're afraid of making a mistake if you breathe air in one room and fart in another - that's no way to live life being afraid of every step you take.
You need to relax, book yourself a massage - see if your wife is available ;-)
Go play some golf with some friends, go out with some friends, how's the entrepreneurial thing going? Are you able to concentrate and invest your energies in that venture the way you had planned with all this going on? If not, is it suffering? Do something with the kids today after work, something fun, maybe an outdoor pool/indoor pool/beach. Heck go to the park with a soccer ball, football, etc.
I actually am focusing on the bids I am working on. I am about done with them, I do have to go and exchange a gift so I will plan on leaving right before W gets home so I am out of the house for a while. I do plan on taking the kids to toy story 3, which earlier in the week W suggested we go as a fam, which I still plan on taking the kids and if she goes, she goes.
So I came home. W started talking about me lying, and the fact she believes 1% of what comes out of my mouth. She says over the last 7 years I dont know what has been the truth and what hasnt been.
I agreed with her, told her that I understand why she cant believe me right now. I said I need to work on issues, and that after lying to her about her journal, I really felt horrible and had to come clean. She then asked me again what I thought I would find? I told her I have apologized for that, curiousity got the best of me, and lets leave it at that.
I made a comment about how much time I have devoted to my company that I recently left, with no reward. She made reference to our M in the same way, she keeps wanting to stick it out to see a change, but loses hope.
I told her I have made a lot of mistakes, and that I know they have hurt her. She asked me if she was the only one I lie to? I told her no. She asked me if I can remember other things I have lied to her in the past about. As much as my answer hurt to say, I told her that I cant remember what has been truthful and not truthful in the past.
She then got her stuff, going to the store and asked what I needed. Told her I need healthy stuff since my bloodwork came back and my cholesterol levels are elevated.
I feel she is still here because she wants to see the changes in me. So if I want this bad enough I need to work harder than I have been working.
Tonight has been peaceful, finally ate the chicken. If you follow my post you will know about the chicken. W started to fall asleep on the couch I took the kids to my room for a sleepover as they call it and we are curled up watching clash of the titans.
W is very reclusive and is up in her room doing what I don't know. Will c her in the morning. Detach. Let her do her thing. Give her space.
