Re-Connecting

[Fightingforher]

Sorry, Thread was locked and starting a new one.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...103#Post2036103

[Fightingforher]

To bring up to speed.....

Refi was denied and I'm working with new lender to purchase home and move W out.

W has ended EA with her boss and started a PA with another co-worker. It's hard to believe that W can even think of starting a new R while going through this but this is something I'll never understand.

Things have gotten nasty around the house. My anger has taken over due to OM2 and the texts that I read on her phone. I don't know why I check her phone when I can. I guess it just confirms for me why I'm headed towards divorce. The messages were pretty flirtatious and she talked about what a great kisser he was.

I'm assuming it's my jealousy taking over right now and I'm hurt that she has moved on so quickly. I feel like I should start dating too but I don't think I'm ready for that, I feel guilty for some reason.

The worst part is my 2 year old son is witnessing some of these outbursts that we have and I just can't keep doing that. He shouldn't suffer at all because of what we are going through. Hopefully I'll get some good news today about refi and we can proceed to move her out at the EOM.

[Fightingforher]

I've made plans tonight to go out with some friends. The W will have our son and she told me she is going out tomorrow night. Reading other posts it's been encouraged to start dating. It's been 4 months since the D bomb was dropped and she has now had 2 OM in that 4 months.

Not sure how I feel about dating, nervous, scared.... I need to start thinking about moving forward and start with some casual dates. It will be nice to get some or any female attention at this point.

Is it too early to start dating? My D should be final in about a month and god willing W will be moved out by the end of the month.

Thoughts????

[Fightingforher]

Anyone?

[Ken62]

Hey FFH,

The answer to the question of dating is similar to other answers on this board. "You will know when it is right for you!"

I was going out with other women but just casually before our D was final. You are right, it is nice to be around people that truly want to be with you and who enjoy your company. Especially after the beating your self esteem has been taking all of this time.

Now that the D is final I certainly have NO problem with dating someone but I will try to be as honest as possible with that person and I see myself taking things VERY SLOW. Don't worry about what your W finds out or knows or any of that. Do it for you because you want to and you are ready to.

Best of luck!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Anyone?

I like the "one month before" timeline -- I think it's ideal. Late enough in the endgame to be respectful of your marriage and your vows, but soon enough in case it (your dating) has a jolting effect on your wife (and it often does!)

Ideal.

Be prepared. Mine took all of 30 minutes of my first "date" (just drinks with an old co-worker, rumored and traveled thru 3rd party to my wife) for her to start blowing up my cellphone, SOBBING.

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

W just left to go out with OM2. She said she would be back tonight. Still waiting on refi confirmation to come through. Should hear something on Monday.

Didn't say a word to W when she left, we had brief conversation about son. I guess she has completely checked out if she is able to this while living under the same roof. I'll at least wait until she is moved out before actively putting myself out on the market.

So shocked at what type of person she has become.

[LRT Land]

Hi FFH - I am sorry for your pain. I am new here. My H's lawyer just sent me a letter a few days ago. He's starting the process but hasn't filed. I hope you at least had some warning this was happening.

I can't imagine if H blatently starts dating. That must be so hard.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Didn't say a word to W when she left, we had brief conversation about son. I guess she has completely checked out if she is able to this while living under the same roof.

It's called "compartmentalization," FFH, and it's typical affair "script." It's how an otherwise moral, decent woman can even LIVE with herself and what she is doing. It's her brain's way of separating her "affair parts" of her life from her other, day-to-day parts, and allow her to stay functional.

Saying a prayer that your re-fi goes thru, buddy.

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

Does the "dating/affairs" act as a distraction to make it easier for the WAS during a D. As much as I'd like to date my heart just wouldn't be in it. I certainly couldn't date just to date. I don't want to hurt anyone that could actually be interested in me.

Although I'd love to get my confidence back by dating....... Gosh I'm so torn on what to do and how to treat W until we can physically separate.

The wave and smile technique worked until I found out she is now dating.... Ahhhh what to do????