i could not take it anymore

[Jstar]

I could not take it anymore. months of empty promises, never being in the kids lives, him his family blaming me for everything. their son does no wrong.

h keep saying he was waiting to see a change in me.

i spoke to his parents what he wanted and have since april

[Shelby]

My husband said the same thing, he was waiting to see this change.

Well he has done nothing different from any other day, week,month or year, how does he excpect this change to just come ?

He has never said what kind of change he was looking for, I am not a mind reader.

how can he get this change when he does nothing to recieve a change ???

[par4me]

I have an ex that doesn't want to change. Just excepted the way she is. A pill poping liar. She will tell anyone what they want to hear so that she can use them later.

[Jstar]

i'm not perfect and when he hurts me and kids i retaliate.

he said have a relationship with his family, i have since april. he says be nice while he claims to have fixed my car then same day it breaks down.

his mother says: he wont visit kids because we will argue and then in same breath says how horrible i behave.

her son tries to circumvent the law all day. draws up fake insurance papers, fake ssn 's.

why wont i let him go. the hope.

[Jstar]

i don't know what i'md oing. it's like i've lost all ground.

h has never been one to say get a divorce and now he is.

he has even done the i don't love you anymore

we've been seperated for 9 months and now i feel like i did in the beginning.

now all of a sudden he's i don't love you - red flag, now OW!

b

[par4me]

I am sorry Jstar. It is tough but every one on these sites are feeling the same pain that you are. It is not worse for you. It is just crazy to see the one you loved turn on you, to love someone else, or aleast try to replace you. It is hard to understand and when you do try-you think about it all the time and accomplish nothing. It is really sad. It can not be understood. The people we loved really used to dedicate their lives to us and they decided that we were not worth the effort or something else is better for them in this world. Sad thought and feeling, I know, I feel that way.

[Jstar]

that's what his actions tell me.

as he said today if i was infront of him he would beat the crap out of me. when two nights ago he was i'm gonna save money up to take me and kids to disneyland.

this constant flip flopping, and today it was i don't love, i want a divorce, but then would pick up my calls. say in another breath if u would just change

when do you know to just say forget it?

[par4me]

Infront of him he would beat the crap out of you? That is bad. I am not suggesting to just forget it. But you need to take control. You need to change the situation. Become the aggressor. That means detaching from him. Quit talking to him. Leave him alone. He wil either start missing you and may miss you bad enough that he is willing to change his behavior or he will go his seperate way. Either way you win. Because you find out what was meant to be in a sense. My email to my ex.( I stole it from a post) she says that she is coming back to stay this weekend. I don't believe that she will show. She has lied before. But here it is-it might help your thoughts.
In fact, I had an epiphany of sorts last night. I know for certain I will happy again because there are only two possible outcomes:

1. I will repair my marriage and Wendy and I will never take each other for granted again and our love will be stronger than it ever could have been prior to going through this...OR

2. I will realize Wendy and I are not right for each other and I will move on and live the life I was meant to have, but could not have realized without going through this process.
Now I am saying this because if you do leave him alone this could happen otherwise it looks to me like it going to go really bad.

[par4me]

You can't be there for him. That is what I do. My wife knows that I will always be there to bail her out. We need to forsake them and make them miss us or decide that we are not worth the effort to fix it. But we can not change their minds by talking to them. The relationships are to far gone. Sorry once again.

[Jstar]

i did stop talking to him for a few weeks and then he pops up - i had his truck - my car is still not working

i've detached to him and then i pulled myself in again with the birth of our son

that's how my first thread began - getting suggestions advice about having him present in the birth

now 5 months later it's back and forth. beginning of july i sent him boundaries with consequences, i followed thru with them, not all but some

i said if he continues to be uninvolved in kids lives i would contact an attorney - i did

i said if he continued to not give me full financial disclosure i would contact his employers to obtain the info - i did(with copies of both his social security numbers and names)

i said if he refused to give me his work schedule and provide a wanted visitation schedule i would provide him with one - i did - no visitation - supervised

i said if he continues to refuse to discuss the health care - car situation - support money - parenting plan - i would petition the court to have him pay my attorney fees - not so good on that one - have not gone to court yet or filed documents

i don't know if i should file or make him take responsibility for it?