I remember seeing a sample letter/email or talking points a while ago and can't find it via search.
I think it was from a post by Allen A. It concerned the 'protection phase' but also included the reasoning on why the LBS would want to save the marriage.
I would like to get a link to that post if anybody can find it.
Thanks, that document is very good, and even though it is counter intuitive, it makes since once you know that affairs are an addiction.
But actually what i was looking for was a good explanation of why the LBS would actually want to take the waw back. I may have missed it in the protection document, and I probably have enough information and knowledge to form my own, but I just remembered that I liked what was written. I do remember it talked about shared history.
If you look at the beginning of the forum it has a "why stay" section from MWD, I think she has one of her own articles there which is pretty good...
If that's what you wanted to know...
If you want to know on a psychology level I suggest you read Hold me Tight by Johnson... She explains the dynamics of emotinoal attachment in great detail, as well as how to repair an attachment that's been damaged, abused, and even traumatized by infidelity
Any thoughts/comments about the protection phase letter script that's presented in the document? Good idea to issue what seems like an ultimatum? Isn't that the same as pressuring, pushing, talking about the marriage/future, which MWD says don't do? Wondering what you think.
There are other FT's out there who SPECIALIZE in infidelity.
There are fundamentally two approaches to dealing with an affair LMW... a softball and a hardball
MWD advocates the softball, or as Puppy coined it a while back "Little Bo Peep" strategy... basically being the better option by being mr nice guy or mrs nice guy... not bringing up the affair... waiting it out... And also not revealing the affair to anyone ...because most affairs end in six months according to DR
Hardball is more Penny Tupy, W Harley, Phil McGraw etc who don't mince words on teh topic.. They will press for exposure to family and friends, advocate family interventions, exposing the affair to teh OP spouse if they are married, exposure at OP's place of work if they ahve a high profile job etc... major pressure on the romantic fantasy until it becomes a stessful embarassing mess the WS wants to ESCAPE from... AS well the LBS is reccomended to MINIMIZE ALL CONTACT with the ideal being NO CONTACT at ALL... the SILENT treatment and a TIME OUT for the WS
Two very different approaches
THe protection.pdf document and its protection phase letter are part of hardball strategy
This is contrary to what MWD teaches, but is a legitimate approach used by family therapists who specialize in infidelity.. documented in print in books at amazon a well.
THe protection.pdf document and its protection phase letter are part of hardball strategy
This is contrary to what MWD teaches, but is a legitimate approach used by family therapists who specialize in infidelity.. documented in print in books at amazon a well.
Well in that protection document, it advocates leaving the house even if you are financially unable. I don't think that is the BEST option, as in many states the person who leaves can then be kept out, or lose equity in the house.
Sometimes you just have to learn NOT to speak or interact with them at all, even though the situation isn't ideal
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
