?Should I move out?

[Betterman]

Is my deciding to leave my home and stay elsewhere a good idea??

I just found out that my wife is planning on moving out. She has already begun to pack up her stuff and move it to an unknown location.

I also found out through a trusted source that she has retained an attorney.

She has been talking to a counselor and I believe that this person is coaching her on all of this behavior. This is mainly because I am certain that all of the re-written history she is telling her as well as her false reports of my abusive behavior. (She has been telling everyone that I am abusive and basing this on what she believes to be emotional abuse, which is total BS.)

She has made it clear to me that she is "done" and gave me a litany of all of the reasons why she is no longer in love with me, blah blah blah. This is the same sh*t different time as it was the last time this happened about 5 years ago now. The difference is that this time she has a plan to actually pull the trigger.

The main problems here are these:

1) We can barely afford to live where we are living now. If she leaves it would kill everything financially. The last time when I moved out and had to pay extra expenses it was a financial disaster and we are still recovering from that to this very day.

2) She will take the kids with her. This is not acceptable for several reasons. Both of them have special needs and to break things up like that would make it that much more difficult. It is hard for one of us to handle them both. To have that be permanent would put undue stress on everyone and the kids may actually be placed in danger. (And no I am not exaggerating that fact.)

Those are the two major ones. And they are MAJOR.

I have voiced my concerns to her but she refuses to listen.

So, I need some comments here.

I told myself that I was not leaving this time. I have many reasons for doing this. Not the least of which is the first time she cheated on me and I flipped out on her, so she "became afraid of me" and kicked me out. (Nice trick, huh? She cheats on me and I get kicked out of my house for it!)

But I also own the house and there are issues with the childrens' safety if I leave (as stated above). If I go they have one less parent to handle things. Plus THIS IS MY HOME. And it's difficult to leave. However....

I asked her if I stayed out until we could find a solution to at least the financial issues that will happen if she moves out and gets her own place. I have a good friend who will let me stay with him for however long I want for free (well not free, I have to help him renovate his house!)

She agrees to "try it for 30 days" which I know I can handle.

My problems with this are:

1) She may just be using this as a ploy to get me out long enuf to move out and not have me in the way.

2) She will have total control of the house while I pay most of the bills and she doesn't want me "hanging around." (However I will still have most of my things there. This is basically the arrangement that we had before, the last time we were physically separated. It sucked but it worked to keep her from bolting.)

3) I have to be there as little as possible. This will be difficult on all levels. I won't bother to list them here.

4) The kids will only have one parent there. (once again, see above)

"Good" things about this:

1) She doesn't have to be exposed to me all the time, therefore making her a bit less agitated. She let me know that she considers us roommates and she "can't live this way." So it alleviates stress for her.

2) I get to be away from her. She has been really pissing me off lately too. Being away from her may help in the area with me too.

3) She may stay there and stop the financial issues from getting worse. (I say "may" because she is only working half-time right now.)

4) It may give me the time to keep working on the larger issues.

So as asked at the beginning of this:

Is my deciding to leave my home and stay elsewhere a good idea??