good. consider this then: If I was to tell my wife,
"I am unhappy with this marriage. We don't talk about anything interesting. We don't do anything together."
Then went out for drinks with "Marionette," talked for hours and came home with a smile, and my wife didn't pay attention to that, I would think she's facing a bigger problem then not following one of Sandi's rules.
or let's consider this:
"I really can't deal with this. I need to go out for a while." Then came home at 3 in the morning. I wouldn't ignore that.
Just because these examples may not apply to your situation, it still would be unwise to dismiss them. I quoted an example for your thread that is a lot easier to turn around then these.
Had a good night with the family and W, not great, but good. W wasn't as open/friendly as the last two nights, but still seemed good. After the family movie, I went to the gym and worked out, then came home.
And then lost my mind. My wife was in bed reading when I finished my shower, and for some stupid reason, I tried to initiate sx. And of course went down in flames. She moved into our daughter's room to sleep, but came back when I said come back to the bedroom.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
And then I realized how much I hadn't detached. This type of rejection has been at the core of our problems. I've never learned to handle it from her at all. (Yes I know that rejecting me now is probably different than when might have rejected me years ago.)
I need to start over. There's no OM. Just a wife who's felt neglected for years. Are the same DB strategies (especially) the LRT valid? She's still 'confused' and not sure whether to stay and work on things or to go. Should I lead things towards either path or just wait til she drops out of limbo?
I think that question is totally up to you pin. Wait or not wait. I think deep down you want to wait, you have done well, backslide then get back on your feet. Yes what you did is well, stupid, but we all have made mistakes. Get back to your routine and brush it off.
Pinhead, look all over the board today. Lots of people have slipped. This being in limbo is really hard. I don't think I can do it either. There is no easy way. I want my marriage more than anything but also want to be true to myself and be with someone who wants to be with me. Even letting go and moving on feels like limbo to me. Pick yourself up and keep going. You are doing great. Focus on the good parts of what you've done. You said yourself the evening started great....you were doing something right. Go do that again.
I doubt it pin, sometimes i feel the W is using the tactics. But when they WA, they detach, that is something that is natural to them when they are focusing on themselves. so the outcome is similar to what is taught here, doesnt mean she is reading DR just part of the syndrome I believe.
