Just when there seems to be a pretty good day, it seems that a crappy one follows. It was H's weekend with kids but he had to work Saturday morning so wouldn't be taking them until Saturday sometime. There is nothing to do at his Dad's house where he lives and I know they get bored. He asked if after daugther's game he could bring over movies, snacks and stuff for them and a new Wii game and hang with them/us here at my house. I said yes, but that he better get his butt back to spend time with them on Sunday also. And, yes I know I should probably have said no to this plan. I don't know. Part of me sees it as time together as a family and for him to see how well we are getting along and then part of me says its too easy on him. Was a very good day and evening on Saturday. Was back here Sunday, spent time here and then watched younger two while I took older one to her game because it was just too too hot and miserable out for the 2 year old. No problem with that. He was just in a crabby mood all day or at least appeared to be. Totally different from yesterday. I asked what was wrong and why was he treating me so differently today and he claims he wasn't and got mad. He said to me why won't I just let things be. It's not like I asked him about serious relationship stuff or divorce or anything. I never talk about those things right now at all anymore.
Not knowing what the future is going to be and what he is thinking and feeling drives me crazy. I am also not a patient person really. First month of separation he seemed to not be able to wait to file for a divorce but for about last month doesn't seem to necessarily want to. Doesn't seem to know what he wants. So, here we are in limboland. I guess I just need to learn to endure it as best I can because when I push the results are not good at all.
I think I have to find the strength and patience to be less available to chat with him even when he wants to and if he comes to house to visit kids(which for the most part I don't mind), I should probably leave and go do something. It's hard for me to do that because I want him to see how good things can be, but I guess that's not possible at this point too much. So, I guess time to step up and do exactly the opposite of what I want to do and hope that I see some results or reaction from him.
hi.. sorry you had a crappy day. It is a roller coaster ride most weeks. Finding good boundaries that are healthy for you is important in reducing those hills on the thrillrides found limboland.
Originally Posted By: lostnfearful
..and then part of me says its too easy on him.
listen to this part
Originally Posted By: lostnfearful
Not knowing what the future is going to be and what he is thinking and feeling drives me crazy.
work on this
Originally Posted By: lostnfearful
I am also not a patient person really.
and this
Originally Posted By: lostnfearful
First month of separation he seemed to not be able to wait to file for a divorce but for about last month doesn't seem to necessarily want to.
seems like progress to me
Originally Posted By: lostnfearful
I think I have to find the strength and patience to be less available to chat with him even when he wants to and if he comes to house to visit kids(which for the most part I don't mind), I should probably leave and go do something. It's hard for me to do that because I want him to see how good things can be, but I guess that's not possible at this point too much. So, I guess time to step up and do exactly the opposite of what I want to do and hope that I see some results or reaction from him.
good advice! I hope you listen to yourself!
I think you should change your username on here to something more positive.
PEACE Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Thanks and you are the second person to tell me to change my user name. LOL! Guess I should do that then. I have read the Divorce Remedy book this week and alot of it makes sense to me. I can see myself in the beginning and how I did all the wrong things and his reactions to them were just what the book said they would be. OW was in picture at that time, but is not anymore, which is good. I've just got to try harder at what needs to be done even though it is very very difficult for me. Sleep evades me most of the time because of all of this, hence why I am still up at 1:30 am. Luckily I am a teacher and have the summer off. Yes, sometimes I think there is progress but just not the progress I want and when I want it. And when I do see some progress it seems to slip away so I get frustrated again. Just have to keep plugging away I guess, because the other alternative is to give up and I can't seem to do that either.
L&F, I'm also struggling in Limboland waiting for progress, it HAS progressed since the beginning, he's more comfortable around us, and seems to be 'calming down' somewhat, but then I wonder whats going on in his head, is he happier without me? Is that why hes improving?
Or is he just getting more comforatble around us because I'm handling the situation according to DR methods? I just want to KNOW WHAT HE'S THINKING!!! But I can't I just have to wait wait wait, and patience is NOT my virtue I always want to speed things up
Yep, I know it will have to change and it is going to change starting today. Did much thinking and talking to one of my best friends who is also a mutual friend to both H and I and amazingly she offered the same advice that Divorce Remedy suggests. Pull back, be happy or at least act happy, look good and make him wonder. Leave house if he is coming to visit and don't offer any explanation where I am going except to say what time I will be back. The same friend is having a BBQ/party on Friday that we are both invited to. Her husband is my H's best friend. Both her and her husband have said I should come, because neither know WTF is wrong with him. H has said he may be a little uncomfortable with me being there. I was not going to go, but now I think "screw it". Why should I have to miss out on some much needed fun with alot of my girlfriends who will be there? I think I am going anyway. He can do his thing and I will do mine. Not a problem. Hope it is not a mistake.
