Not sure what you're asking by the dynamics of a MLC affair, but generally it is considered a band aid the MLCer uses to cover the pain and avoid dealing with the issues within. It a running tactic for them.
MLC affair fog I believe is referring to the brain chemicals that occur when one thinks themselves 'in love' with the op.
MLCers often find themselves in a fog with or w/o an op present.
Hope this helps. I'm sure others will be along to add their perspectives.
IMHO, the affair dynamics are not all that different in MLC. As SA says above, the brain chemicals that are involved happen in any new infatuation. The receptors involved are the same as those involved in drug addiction. (trying to keep this simple...info from Helen Fisher and Daniel Amen) Also involved are patterns of distorted thinking that are used by the infidel to the max. Justification, rationalization, compartmentalization are a few. The fog develops as the infidel starts to actually believe the irrational stuff they are telling themselves and they enter a disconnected, world not based in reality.
I also agree with SA in that the basis of the A is to keep them from facing their own issues and from facing their fears and depression. Further differences, I am still working on myself.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
(USUALLY)The person the MLCer is boiking is in some respect worse off then they are. They might be good looking, but that isn't always the case. Something is (usually) broken inside, and the MLC can be with them, their new found long lost soulmate ( ) to FIX them...since they haven't yet figured out that they need to fix themselves, and woe be unto the person who suggest that to them.
MLC fog is the difference between what the MLCer sees and what other people not in a mental break from reality see.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 06/28/1006:05 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
(USUALLY)The person the MLCer is boiking is in some respect worse off then they are. They might be good looking, but that isn't always the case. Something is (usually) broken inside, and the MLC can be with them, their new found long lost soulmate ( ) to FIX them...since they haven't yet figured out that they need to fix themselves
^^^ Yep. Dead on.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
A defense mechanism in psychodynamic psychology aka distorted thinking pattern in CBT.
Quote:
Compartmentalization
Compartmentalization is a lesser form of dissociation, wherein parts of oneself are separated from awareness of other parts and behaving as if one had separate sets of values. An example might be an honest person who cheats on their income tax return and keeps their two value systems distinct and un-integrated while remaining unconscious of the cognitive dissonance.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
So the reality of how WRONG (on so many levels) it is that my MLC H is having a secret affair with his nephew's fiance (age 19, he's 37) is probably not even considered by my H (due to the "fog")? He is having to share this young girl with his nephew (who she lives with), but tells her how he has never loved anyone as much as he loves her. (Loving her is "Heaven on Earth", he says. ugh) Ironically, the things he says to her I recognize as things he use to say to me frequently in our early years together. lol
It just blows my mind that he seems to have no reserve or remorse for what he is doing to his family (not just the kids and me, but his brother, his nephew, his nephew's baby boy...) H's lack of shame or guilt for the affair is apparent since he is always trying to hang out with his nephew and invites him over for parties and such just so he can see HER. I can't believe H can sit in the same room with his nephew and her and the baby and not feel like a slime-ball. (This nephew really looks up to him, too. :-/)
Of course, he denies everything to me, and then turns around and tells me that I have "T" (a male co-worker and friend) to thank for the break-up of our marriage. That if I hadn't been cheating on him with "T" he wouldn't have lost all love for me. He quizzes the kids about him and any other guy I might be dating now everytime they come visit him. ::sigh:: I NEVER cheated on my H. "T" and I did become close as my H began to be very mean to me, but there was never anything more than friendship.
Is all this just the MLC fog? How do I deal with this? There are times I become so upset with him, I want to "out" him and her- tell H's family about their betrayal to them all. But I doubt that is the right thing to do because that will just bring them closer, right? If I just leave it alone, though... is there any benefit in that?
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
YucK! I know someone that got caught in bed with her husband's nephew. He was 16, she was 30. Needless to say, it caused a divorce, but the happy couple didn't last. She's lucky she didn't get put in jail.
This is like borderline incest. I say, if you are religious, talk to your minister. This is a MLC of almost Biblical proportions. Most ministers are often very good counselors, and what is said is kept in confidence. At the very least, he may be able to put a spin on it that you haven't thought of before, and make your decision to out/not out more clear.
) to FIX them...since they haven't yet figured out that they need to fix themselves, and woe be unto the person who suggest