Pam, listen to Puppy. It's best to know what you are up against to. Forget the "I dont think he would do that to me, he isnt that kind of man" or anything similar that you maybe thinking. We want to help not to make your H look bad. Good people make mistakes. But if you know what is going on, you will know how to handle it.
As for the pain... Most of us have gone through it and we have ALL survived no matter what happened with our marriages. Hugs K
I am not going to waste my time trying to figure him out. Like everyone is saying, I can't control what he is doing I just have to focus on me.
I am just going to give him the space he is asking for and trust that he will come to his senses.
We had to tell our Ds last night. What a nightmare. I think it worse telling them than hearing that he doesn't want to be married to me.
Trying so hard not to give up on him. He's so mixed up inside. I need to take this time and figure out what I will do without him. Maybe I need space to understand myself too and find strength. I have no idea but he doesn't leave me much choice.
I read your response on the other thread however I don't want to t/j so I wanted to answer you over here...
You pain is new, fresh, raw and it is hard to think or see past that...I do understand.
The wedding band, stings, a lot...When my H walked out, that is all he left behind, sitting on the corner of my dresser though I kept mine as well.
I kept telling myself, he will come to his senses and we would be together forever etc...
You need to understand it doesn't always work out this way...
You have to prepare yourself for what "may be", whether it is something you want or not.
I never believed in divorce, I still don't however that is the path I am on now and you know what, I am ok with that because I have come through the fire stronger than I ever thought possible.
I am happier, I am healthier and I am at peace (on most days).
The man you know, the man you love...May never be that man again.
It may not be what you want to hear, however the possibility is there so you need to shift your thinking to yourself and your children...
Originally Posted By: Pam
Is all of this patience and pain for nothing? Am I ever going to not feel so awful?
No, it is not for nothing and yes someday you won't feel so awful...
This will show you what you are truly made of...Not for him, for you, for your kids.
Keep posting, vent here, no matter how hard it is shift your way of thinking...
If thoughts of what ifs, what could be, what may happen etc...Creep in, try to stop them and think of something else, do something else, remove yourself from the trigger.
I promise you ~ It will get easier, once you shift the focus...
As long as you are mind-reading and worrying about him, you won't heal. Period.
(((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I have to say that I agree with some of the others that there may be OW involved. My husband had always said and I believed he would be the last person on the Earth to ever cheat, but I was wrong. Although it is painful it is better to know the truth.
I hope it gets easier for you and you are correct in thinking it is a waste of time trying to figure H out. I have tried and still try to figure out my H and it just isn't working. It is actually making things worse for me and pushing him away. I'm sure you are seeing the same results.
Keep "talking" to people on here. I read on here constantly and am starting to post more and it does help. I can tell you that the pain does get a little easier. The first month and a half of my separation, I don't know how I functioned. I am not sure how I taught my classes and in between I would just hide and cry. It is easier now, although still painful, but I don't sit and cry all day every day anymore, so that is good.
I have tried and still try to figure out my H and it just isn't working. It is actually making things worse for me and pushing him away.
By clinging to what you can no longer have, you are feeding your frustration.
That is why it is said over and over again on this board to GAL...To shift the thought process back to you and your children and off your spouse...
This isn't something that can happen overnight, it has to be worked on every waking moment.
I am 16 months out and still have the pull my thoughts back and shift the perspective on a daily basis...
In time, it gets easier and you will find that one day you wake up with something else on your mind besides your sitch, a day will go by when you get home at night and realize you didn't cry nor were you obsessed about your H and what he is doing.
(((((Hugs)))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
