Hi all - I don't know which forum to ask this on so here goes. My WH moved out 4/17 to pursue OP. No papers filed yet, as I told him I'm not ready to sign anything. Still hope this will turn around, but I know I should be aware of my legal options. Does anyone know how you can possibly go about finding a L that is "marriage" oriented (almost sounds like an oxymoron given that using a L means litigation). Is there any method to it, place to search for one? Thanks.
============================== Me 47; H47; DD 5, DD12 Together 27 Married: 23.5 Sep 4/17/10 EA 9/07/08 EA/PA 9/10 OW 46, divorce final 7/10
--------------------------------- M 47, H 47 DD 5, DD 12 Married 23.5 years, T 27 years Separated 4/17/10 EA/PA - started probably about 3 years ago
I consulted with three lawyers to find out my legal rights at the same time saying that I didn't want or believe in divorce.
One (who had an obvious chip on her shoulder over her divorce) tried to have me commit to a retainer immediately. I left.
Another highly respected lawyer described what the parameters would be in my situation; gave me a very good outline of my legal rights. I thanked him.
The third (rated as a "Super Lawyer") did the same as the second, and gave me the name of a therapist who had success in counseling couples. I chose her but refused to initiate process.** In retrospect, I wish I had.
Divorce with lawyers is not a touchy-feely experience. It is their job to get the best possible outcome for their client hopefully in the least contentious manner. More contention means more time, greater animosity and increasingly ridiculous amounts of money spent. A quick turnaround is in everybody's best interest.
Marriage and divorce are about boundaries as much as anything else. Eroding connections lead to more attractive distractions. Having a spouse leave is an enormous wake up call. I wish I'd learned to speak softly and carry a big stick. And whack him as needed. I wish I would have known that saving a marriage also meant owning my errors and putting everything on the line, a strict either or proposition.
Then again hindsight is 20/20. And those who leave have had it in their minds for a very long time. And if one spouse is left with the thoughts, "Where am I in this decision?" have been a parent or partner, but not a husband or wife in their spouse's eyes.
*hugs*
** In filing first, your spouse has to answer to you. And it's the ultimate "put up or shut up". Either they'll be shocked to awareness or continue leaving. And once a guy has plunged into an affair, it's hard to keep him from walking.
