Yup... he is crying to her no doubt... and OW will lose a lot of respect for him when he does that... This is the route you want him to take.. you want him to drop all of his problems in her lap like that... This woman is NOT mature enough to handle that well... she will pick a fight and tell him he's a wimp and blubbering over no one... He will defend you and his daughter and argue back... etc... Hard to believe but that's whats most likely to happen...
It's all fun and fantasy to talk about ditching your marriage and running away - it's something else entirely to have your spouse ditch YOU and walk away.
I think Allen's right - OW won't be able to handle the blubbering WH and may try to send him right back to you.
Don't expect it to end in a day or two... But it WILL put a dent in things... I was hoping his mother would toss him out too, but you have to work with what you've got...
Would you rather her was with YOU blubbering about how much he misses HER or would you rather he was with HER blubbering to her about how much he misses YOU?
Your call there... you can pick up the phone anytime...
Yup... he is crying to her no doubt... and OW will lose a lot of respect for him when he does that... This is the route you want him to take.. you want him to drop all of his problems in her lap like that... This woman is NOT mature enough to handle that well... she will pick a fight and tell him he's a wimp and blubbering over no one... He will defend you and his daughter and argue back... etc... Hard to believe but that's whats most likely to happen...
You can expect him to possibly hit the roof when he gets the email. A lot of men express hurt through anger, so be prepared for that! At the other end, sometimes people can be passive agressive and not say anything.
......He will defend you and his daughter and argue back... etc... Hard to believe but that's whats most likely to happen...
BINGO.
Puppy
DING DING DING DING
The last couple days have been pretty rough. VERY emotionally draining. Thank you everyone for the good thoughts and good advice.
So, walking away may be getting me somewhere. H asked to talk to me about our marriage. I said ok because other than him telling me he wanted a divorce, this was the first time he had offered a talk.
I let him lead (as much as I could because I still have a little trouble not jumping in, but I'm SOOO much better at it). Anyway, he said the past couple days seemed to bring so much into perspective for him. He apologized to me for things he'd said to my face, and he admitted he'd been talking bad about me behind my back and apologized for that as well. He said he'd felt so strongly that he had to defend my actions the past couple of days to 'his' friends that he realized how much he'd knocked me down to them. I said thank you.
He asked if I could get passed and forgive him for the things he's done. I said yes as long as we could learn to communicate so it never got to this point again.
He asked if my family would be ok with him coming back. I said yes, as long as I can honestly tell them he is working on making our marriage better.
He told me he didn't want to lie, that it would be one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do to not talk to OW. I said I understand that he'd put so much emotional energy into her that it would be hard work to transfer that back to me. He acknowledged that by saying, "yes, but if I didn't still care for you, this conversation wouldn't even be taking place." So, in a way, he was already realizing that it could be done (I hope).
He told me he didn't have any answers and he felt he had to have a few days of thinking. So I said, ok. He told me he was telling OW the same... I wanted to hear him say it, of course, but I'm not pushing till he agrees to drop her (I feel it would counteract what's been happening until he's committed to it), so he went elsewhere to call her. He called me into the room not too long after and said "That could've gone better, she got emotional and hung up on me." (HEE HEE - He HATES it when people hang up on him. )
Anyway... I told him whatever HE decides, I am staying in the new house - with DD, and he'd be more than welcome to join us there if he is ready to work on being a family. I'm giving him his space and not pushing for an answer, but at least now it seems he may actually be THINKING.
DD and I are going to my parents for the 4th of July weekend. He volunteered the info that he was planning on spending it by himself. (And I have a way to check on that after the fact.)
If he does want to work on things, I know about the transparency needed and all that, but I don't want to act like we can jump right in to living together like nothing happened.
So... knowing he will most likely have difficulties breaking away from OW even if he decides to do so, what should I do at this point?
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
Nothing. Let him be, and BE READY with your list of boundaries/dealbreakers so that you're prepared if he says "What will it take?" for him to come back.
Be civil the next 24-72 hours, but do NOT kiss his ass, and do NOT get all clingy and "melty woman" on him. Keep yourself occupied. You want to convey a sense of "I hope you'll do the right thing, but I'M going to be fine, either way."
Thanks, SunnyD. Rollercoasters are great, aren't they?
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Nothing. Let him be, and BE READY with your list of boundaries/dealbreakers so that you're prepared if he says "What will it take?" for him to come back.
Be civil the next 24-72 hours, but do NOT kiss his ass, and do NOT get all clingy and "melty woman" on him. Keep yourself occupied. You want to convey a sense of "I hope you'll do the right thing, but I'M going to be fine, either way."
Puppy
I'm trying to do this. It's gonna be easier since I'll be out of town all weekend, but tomorrow and Friday are gonna be a little hard.....
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
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