Well----i have been gone for a bit as i fell over and hit my head apparently.
XW has woken up from the fog, problem is i am not sure it is in time. Actually I am pretty sure it is not in time and i just need to work thru this so any help is wanted/needed right now.
I got a call from XW about 2 weeks ago wanting to meet up in person and talk about S2 things---i told her thanks but no thanks as previous to that all exchanges happened at day care and it had been about a month since i had even see her and that was ok by me at this point.
After some persisitance I agree to meet and she lays on me how she cannot believe what she has done and she was taken advantage of by OM, and fell for it hook line and sinker, and she over the last 2 months has seen how her family is not there for her and on and on (there are more details I can share but I am trying not to make this the longest post ever)
Botton line is she wants me, us back. Problem is this train has left the station (at least I keep telling myself that)
Here is my dilemma---she is agreeing to ALL of the things that I told her I would need to make another go of it (no contact obviously with OM, no contact with her family, full transparency-cell phone, email, facebook, etc)also tells me that she feels isolated and that this was not my fault but hers and she cannot believe what she has torn apaart, blah blah blah
Back to my problem--I want to be done, i REALLY do. But---isn't this what we all fight for and put up with all the BS in my case almost 2 years of for? Also, what about S2? Selfishly it destroys me to not be with him as he grows up half the time, and also unselfishly he has not handled this very well being bounced back and forth from house to house and not knowing where he is going.
I will type more tonight I just wanted to get this initial out there and look for some of you guys who keep me sane first thoughts? What about others that this has happened to?
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
So, let me get this straight. You tell her off and then stop talking to her and now she wants you back? This is exactly what most of us on this board have done and have not had this same result. I think that if you were truly 100 percent done... you would have stayed off of this board. You would have told her to forget it and you would have forged on with divorce. Tell her that you are not sure what you want and you need some time. You do need some time to think this through.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I am going to say that based on what I saw from the vets in the infidelity forum, your exwife needs to prove she is serious by continuing to do everything you asked for for at least 6 months.
( WITHOUT the 2 of you resuming your relationship). If she is serious, she will stay true to her word. I guess what happens is that sometimes they "break up" with the OP but then get back together within a week or 2. So time is the test.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
The longer I'm apart, the more I wonder what I'd do if faced with the same situation. A year ago I would have gone running home and just tried to make it work.
Now ... I guess I'd start by dating. See if you still feel anything for her. See if she's really trying to win you back ... or you are just the backup plan.
I see the D is final in your case. So there's no rush. She has a lot of things to prove.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
yes all of this, I guess i am obviously confused in that mentally I am done....or at least I am supposed to be done. But, this big but that is in my head is what if I/we could get back what I thought it was we had before?
Also, the idea that i would get a chance to be in my sons life 100% of the time and how much easier this would make his life (not bouncing back and forth between parents houses, not having to experience things with only 1 parent there, not being "different" than his other little friends) I think that alone is a reason to make this work.
Than I also think about how much more difficult this would be this time, family opinions, friends opinions, work opinions, etc...It was tough enough the first time but now throw alot of "well-meaning" people into the mix and their stuff and it will be 1000 times harder......
I am really thrown for a loop, need some time to think this thru.....
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
But, this big but that is in my head is what if I/we could get back what I thought it was we had before?
And that is your throwback. Before is gone, over, finitto. Do you really want "that" back?
Nope. First of all, yes, you need to ensure that draw, that unquestionable feeling is still there, the brass root of it all. From there, she needs to re-assure you, and she needs to be understanding of the moments when you are in doubt.
You, need remember, you are now the prize. And you NEED to ask yourself, "have I forgiven?"
Not to say it's all on her. Trust me, it's not easy. But the past, the 'before' needs to ALL be thrown on the table and sorted through and BE DONE. And again, ask yourself, have you frogiven? If not, you're in for rough times.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Keep separate residences, and ask for full no-contact and 100% transparency*. DATE each other for six months, with a re-evaluation of how it's going at three months. (this can either be exclusively or non-exclusively, but have it be what YOU want, and be HONEST with her about it).
You'll know soon enough if she's sincere or not.
Puppy
*make sure that YOU approve the content of the no-contact letter that she writes for OM, and then YOU mail it (so that she adds or subtracts nothing). Also, make sure you have at least ONE channel of intel in your transparency system that is UNKNOWN to her.
I was going to suggest dating, too. In my case with two little kids, I don't know if I could rule out another try if my ex was ever legitimately making an effort. It is what they want most so I understand wanting to try for your son, and also for you getting to see him all the time and not having to 'share' him.
