The kids had their long awaited overnight with their dad. My 16 year old was in tears of joy the night before he was so happy "mom, I think dad is changing because he seems nicers". To fast forward a mere 18 hours later when exh jumped on my daughters case for overflowing the shower on the boat... she has waist length hair and it got caught in the little drain, her brother came down to diffuse or intervene because his dad was screaming at his sister. EXH went to put his hands on S shoulders who slapped his hand away and next thing you know ... he is putting S to the ground and wrestling across the boat floor ... up the galley steps. D is trapped and can't get to her phone all she sees is her dad laying on her "buddy" and him flailing trying to get away. S ended up with a bloody nose and bruising on his arms...his dad picked him up at one point by the feet and flipped him head over heels almost back down the galley steps. So, the call me histerically I said call 911. they did and before the police got there... EXH pushed them both off the boat... and told them to get the "f out". So he doesn't live in a good part of town so here are my kids standing in the rain waiting for the police to show up on the side of the road beneath the interstate where homeless people live.
EXH called 3 times last night with his version .. there is now 3 of his.... the kids version has stayed the same. He was defending himself as he says...now it's so laughable because everyone who knows my boy... non agressive. The police called me this morning because they are concerned for our safety.
The feeling the 3 officers have is we are going to be headline news. EXH is the perfect candidate.... normal guy, gone crazy, has nothing to lose, wants me to have nothing, that he is scary because he has nothing to lose. Their words... "protect yourself, be on the look out". Their hands are tied because they have nothing that is prosicutable but they have feelings and their feelings aren't good... so off the record they warned me. Scary stuff.
They didn't discourage me from getting a no contact order but they think it might set him off even further and they are the first to admit that if he breaks the order... it maybe to late and might not matter.
I notified his parents of the officers concern.. their answer is my kids should apologize for being disrespectful to their father and I should let EXH come to my home and hear their apology... of course ... i gave them the officer's number so maybe they will listen to professionals but they are wack... the officers even said ... you have good kids here.... he has an anger managenent problem.
You know what EXH and his parents are worried about.... EXH might lose his job if he gets in trouble with the law. Ridiculous... who cares... if I am homeless... I'll be safe!
That's the worry ... his career. That's my and the kids fault if he loses it.... because he can't control himself if the kids dare piss him off. Plus I told him his jobs didn't care if he had inappropriate affairs with work people or if people accused him of sexual harrassment... why would they give a chit if he attacks his kids? Ok.. I know that wasn't nice but seriously such a drama queen... he can only get in trouble if he is drunk on the job or can't pass a drug test... they can't fire you on domestic violence. He is so stupid to think this. What happens is people lose respect for you.
The cops told me he is a control freak, pr ick, and scary.
I didn't make that up, they got it within 3 minutes of talking to him because he was demanding the kids respect him.
Happy Father's Day to my kids, right?
Last edited by sandycay; 06/21/1007:13 PM.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I haven't been following your sitch but just want to tell you how sorry I am to read about what happened between your H and your kids...sounds like he snapped!
I hope you are able to find a way to protect your kids and yourself.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
How is that this man is not arrested and sitting in a jail cell??? Your son is 16 years-old and suffered a bloody nose and has bruises - how is this not domestic violence? The officers are right - be very careful and protect yourself. I am so sorry your kids (and you) had to experience this on a day that is supposed to be a celebration of family - how awful.
Oh jeez - Sorry, I don't know your sitch, but a few words of advice anyway:
1) Call child protective services. If he gave your son a bloody nose and bruises, child protective services should be involved. Take pictures today of any bruises and bring him to his doctor TODAY so THEY can take pictures and document the abuse in a medical chart. The cops should have been REQUIRED to report to CPS, at least in our state they would be, but doesn't sound like yours are so pro-active.
2) The cops were right about one thing - restraining orders are worth very little. They can be used to force the cops to arrest him if he violates the order, but offer you NO protection against him killing you before the cops arrive. If he is a danger to you and your kids (and I would trust the cops' judgement on this) then you need to go stay somewhere that he can't find you. Check with your attorney to see how to accomplish this without violating the law in regards to your divorce.
WA state recognizes corporal punishment by parents concerning kids. YOu can restrain, hit, "not punch, stab, or hit with an object" your child. My Daughter can not say she knows her dad hit her brother because he was on top of her brother... she couldn't see it. The police say this is how "they" know the kids are tellling the truth because most people would say they saw it because circumstantailly it makes since but not mine ... they tell the truth. Son doesn't know how his dad hit him... I know EXH did not punch him in the face... he has no bruising or broken nose.... I think his nose got bumped good in the scuffle somehow by EXH.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I haven't been following your sitch but just want to tell you how sorry I am to read about what happened between your H and your kids...sounds like he snapped!
I hope you are able to find a way to protect your kids and yourself.
Well, I am still just a country girl from Arkansas at heart and I am "locked and loaded". The officers approved of that decision.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
How is that this man is not arrested and sitting in a jail cell??? Your son is 16 years-old and suffered a bloody nose and has bruises - how is this not domestic violence? The officers are right - be very careful and protect yourself. I am so sorry your kids (and you) had to experience this on a day that is supposed to be a celebration of family - how awful.
BA
Thanks BA, it was a fine line... I understand the officer's predicament. He didn't punch him directly but son got hit... whose to say how cause son didn't know.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Oh jeez - Sorry, I don't know your sitch, but a few words of advice anyway:
1) Call child protective services. If he gave your son a bloody nose and bruises, child protective services should be involved. Take pictures today of any bruises and bring him to his doctor TODAY so THEY can take pictures and document the abuse in a medical chart. The cops should have been REQUIRED to report to CPS, at least in our state they would be, but doesn't sound like yours are so pro-active.
2) The cops were right about one thing - restraining orders are worth very little. They can be used to force the cops to arrest him if he violates the order, but offer you NO protection against him killing you before the cops arrive. If he is a danger to you and your kids (and I would trust the cops' judgement on this) then you need to go stay somewhere that he can't find you. Check with your attorney to see how to accomplish this without violating the law in regards to your divorce.
I spoke with the sgt about CPS and I will document and have a case file.. again it may open a whole can of worms.... I have lots of documentation. They are not mandated to visit their father so they won't have to see him unless they want or I allow it... so I have that on my side.... if he stays away I will let it go... if he does not I will push forward. He has been told this.... so I'll let him decide.
I will not leave just yet... I do have places to stay but S starts his first job today and I won't take that away from him. I believe EXH will stay away, but I prepared if he does not.
Thank you for your comments.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Hair clogging up the drain resulting in screaming, wrestling and kicking kids off a boat (which is there temp home) are the signs of a man with a very short fuse. Scary indeed.
I take it that your XH's boat is more over near Seattle than the small town where you live. That was probably a good thing in that the Seattle police have probably seen a whole lot more domestic violence than small town or county police do.
They were right in recommending that you arm yourself. I hope you have had some recent training and practice. If not, you might want to take a refresher course at http://www.firearmsacademy.com/SafetySeminar.htm
You probably should not bother anymore in talking with his parents. The apple apparently fell from an infected tree.
I am optimistic that everything is going to turn out ok in the long run for you.
