This is my first post on the boards. I have been reading Michelle's Divorce Remedy book. Here's a quick recap of my situation:
Together with my W for 6 years. Married for almost 2 years. About 6 months ago started to go down hill. Emotional side and physical side of relationship were lacking. Noticed she started talking to a mutual guy friend about our problems. Confronted her about it but she denied anything. Months go by and we have our ups and downs. Arguing about the same things over and over. Finally in a fight I accuse her of being dirty because of everything that had been going on with us and how secretive she had been over the past few months. I didn't realize how bad that hurt her and at that point the physical side of our relationship was gone. So we decided to do MC. Didn't really help us too much and about 6 weeks ago I decide that I need to move out for a bit. I move out for 1 day and realize that I do not want to leave the house and the next night I go back. She is surprised to see me and we get in a huge argument. She takes off her wedding rings, tells me she doesn't love me anymore and she couldn't never be physical with me again. The next day she goes out and gets a cell phone in her own name and doesn't give me the number. After that night I sleep on the couch. For the next 2 weeks its a constant argument and it is only getting worse. So I ordered Michelle's book and I started the 180. About 4 weeks ago after my gut feeling that she was more than just friends with our mutual friend, she finally admitted to the EA with him. He didn't feel that way about her and it ended quickly. She wanted more but he did not. He is alot younger than her. At that point she moved upstairs into the spare bedroom. A few days after the confrontation things started to get better. Her attitude towards us started improving. We started spending more time at the house together, making dinner together, and watching TV and movies in the same room again. No more talk about divorce or separation. So the past 2 weeks have been really good. We've gone out shopping and out to dinner together and we have started to have daily conversations about things at work and about other events in our lives. I know that she is on the fence right now about being 100% committed to reconciling. I started making a few goals for myself about seeing a change. The 1st was that she would iniate conversations, the 2nd was that she would give me her new cell phone number, and the 3rd was that she would iniate spending time together. This past weekend she was doing an overnight babysitting job. During the day she calls me from their house and leaves me a VM asking me if I wanted to meet up with them to go to the movies and wanted to know how my day was going and what I did. A few hours later after leaving the VM she calls me again and this time we talk for about 15 minutes about each other's day and about the movie and what not. She comes home yesterday and we have our normal converstations and everything seems OK. There has been no physical intimacy besides a few back rubs here and there. We have not kissed in weeks and there are no "I love you's" being thrown around. I guess I'm just looking for some advice on where I should keep going. Thanks for reading.
Keep up the good work. I think your actions are showing your W that you care and that is so important right now. A great book that my DB coach suggested during my first session is: "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" written by Love and Stosny. It has helped me (even though my situation is different from yours). Keep moving forward, while learning from the past. Best wishes.
4 ever I see you have Twin sons and one has Asperger's syndrome. I too have Twin Grandsons age 6 one with Asperger's Is there any thing special you do besides the occupational physical and speech therapy's?
JAK
Last edited by JoJo's circus; 06/22/1001:34 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
