question about exposing the OW

[AntoniaB]

Short version: husband plans to file for divorce because he is in an emotional affair for a month or so that threatened to continue and/or go physical, and I said either he committed to working on us and cut her off or he needed to start divorce proceedings because I won't accept an open marriage or him taking time to "compare" the two of us to make a decision. He said he can't deny he wants to explore his options, so he plans to file. I've exposed his intentions to family and friends, but these are all people on "my side" of the sitch. The OW is not married but was in a long-term live-in relationship. Apparently her ex was as stunned and hurt as I was. But other than that, I don't think that my husband's co-workkers, who are also hers, know or care. What is the point of exposing her to them and how would I do it? Is it worth it?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I don't think there's any point in exposing to co-workers, other than a human resources department or small business owner, if the affair is taking place at work.

Puppy

[Allen A]

The co-workers may start gossping.. OW won't like that at all...

But, it may end up getting your H fired... Exposing a workplace affair in the workplace is a delicate topic... It depends on the politics there really...

If your H tells you he wants to explore his options :


I refuse to be your safety net while you comparison shop


Don't tell HIM to divorce you, I would just insist that he leave the home, THIS will expose it anyhow, people will want to know why he left...

Are you going to family therapy? Set an adult example by finding a good FT and going yourself.. You can't expect HIM to educate himself about how to repair a marriage if he doens't see you leading a good example

[twolf]

Fom my stich i reaveled to his boss an the reciptionest at the O/m work and left a voice message and the Stbxw came unglued he called the cops to talk to me and said he thought i was harssing him.

The police officer laughed when i told him what was going on because his wife left him for another guy.

[Allen A]

Exposure will put a serious strain on the affair, it wont end it on its own most likley, but it will knock it off balance enough that you can start chipping away at it much more easily

[AntoniaB]

Both my H and the OW are educators working in the same building. He tells me that she came to his room twice in the past 2 weeks and kissed him. Not sure what time of day--maybe once no one was around. He has always been home "on time" and hasn't been "out of my sight" for the time he says this affair took place, other than happy hour nights, when many other co-workers were present and he claims they only talked in groups then. The OW walked out on her long-term live-in bf the same day my H did on me. Her bf knows already. I think a few of my H's coworkers know about it but it seems like no one cares. None know me or care about me, and divorce/etc. seems to be rampant with them. I do think that the OW rel. seems to be a symptom of the marital problems, not the cause of the problems, in that he felt detached/lonely and found someone very much like me but younger with whom he feels he can make a fresh start if he abandons all hope with us. He also believes he did something I could never forgive, so why try? I have said that with time and MC I feel I could forgive but he isn't interested in waiting that long only to possibly lose both me AND her. There is such an urgency in him wanting to "explore whether she might be right for him" that I just don't get at all. It makes me think she has given him an ultimatum, leave your wife and come to me now or forget it. In fact he said he felt that once she left her bf "for him" that he felt he had an "obligation" to her because she "gave away so much for him" (what about what I've given for 23 years, guess that is irrelevant). In any case, I told him that I would not sit back while he fooled around on me, nor would I be the one to file for divorce as I do not believe the marriage is over, so I said if he believed he could not stop seeing her that he needed to stop making a fool out of me and file. He says he intends to file.

So that cat is out of the bag. Too late now.

Does that all mean that there is no point to me trying to bust the divorce? Do I expose or is it pointless? Do I just sign the papers and let him go?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Both my H and the OW are educators working in the same building. He tells me that she came to his room twice in the past 2 weeks and kissed him.

Then I would expose to the principal and the superintendent, preferably citing their own policies against such behavior.

Puppy

[AntoniaB]

I read through the school district's policies and there does not appear to be anything related to this situation. Nothing prohibiting two faculty from having a relationship.