No apology necessary Puppy! Just wanted to clarify in case it changed the advice/strategy.
Allen - It makes perfect sense to me! LOL
If I go a little dim, he goes a little dim. If I text him funny anecdotes, he follows suit. We go out about once a week, but usually at my suggestion. When we are together we always have a great time, talking, laughing, etc. We became friends again over the last year. But that's where it ends.
He always gives me a kiss goodbye, but it is more perfunctory than anything. I feel as if I'm in the "friends zone" only. In a talk we had a while back, he swore attraction for me has never been a problem. I don't know what to do. I never let on, but it really bothers me that he was affectionate with OW all the time and described their R as passionate and intense. And I get nothing.
I believe that if we could start to reconnect physically (even by just holding hands), then our R could be even better than it was when things were good. The physical was the first thing to leave our M. I don't want to push or pursue, but I'm also tired of not having any affection from H. I crave it so much. I went to a reunion recently and every guy there that I used to hang out with gave me a great big hug. I miss touch.
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
I understand the missing touch part, SF! It's hard to not crave that when you haven't had it and want it... yet, believe me, you don't want it at all costs! You want it from someone who loves you - who respects you. That, of course, can only come after you respect yourself. I think so many times we worry about "should we do this or should we do that" and frankly, if we just let it all go and just do what's best for US without regard to the WAS, THAT is what is the right thing to do/not do - for the R as well as for ourselves. I know I've had problems with this. We have to stop worrying about what our spouses are thinking/feeling and just go on with our lives. That, ultimately, is what makes them attracted to us once again. Once THEY start pursuing instead of the other way around, THAT is when to let your guard down a little.
The physical was the first thing to leave our M. I don't want to push or pursue, but I'm also tired of not having any affection from H. I crave it so much. I went to a reunion recently and every guy there that I used to hang out with gave me a great big hug. I miss touch.
Hi all. Been lurking a bit catching up on some threads. Reading on Penny Tupy's site. Interesting.
Question: How is WAH supposed to miss me when we have been separated for two years and we only see each other about once a week? When he left, we were not happy at all. So much has happened since then and since his A ended that I know things would be different. We get along so well and have so much fun when we are together that I don't understand why he won't take things a step further. I know there is not an OW in the picture at this time.
If I pull away, then he pulls away. That has been a cheeseless tunnel for me for the last several years.
Any ideas on what to do? Thanks all and best wishes!
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
Obviously, I will never have blind trust again and no one should anyway. Through his IC, he has finally realized why he has done the things he has done and why he is broken. That is what is different this time. I trust him as much as I can beings we don't live together and don't see much of each other. I'm not going to spend my life following him around to verify. I verify periodically. That won't change if he moves back in until I feel comfortable again. Our primary communication is texting, which is every day.
What safeguards can I put in place now since we have been separated for so long? I have changed for the better, too. I know things would be different between us. The old M is dead and gone and that is a good thing.
I'm afraid to have a heart-to-heart with him again as perhaps I won't like what he says. Maybe he is still pining for FOW. I don't know. Perhaps he feels he is commitment-phobic and doesn't want to be married. I don't know.
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
