Do I need to accept that it is over for good?

[AntoniaB]

My original thread is here: #2020196 - 06/13/10 12:40 PM Newbie: going to try Ghandi method

Not sure if that makes a link for you, sorry.

So since my husband is filing for divorce, and there is another woman involved, and I feel that I can't tolerate a full-fledged physical affair, do I need to accept that it is over for good? I guess I keep hoping he'll go to file the papers and not be able to go through with it, or that he'll file the papers and then be with her and just not be able to go through with it. I don't know. I think what's hanging me up here is that I love him so much despite everything and feel like the marriage is repairable but he doesn't agree, and I think he is confused and onlyfocusing on negatives now and in time will see things differently. I dreamed last night that he approached me to ask for another chance. I just can't let go. But should I after what has happened? Is that what is best for me?

[punkin]

A,
You don't have to accept anything you are not ready to accept. I haven't read your entire thread from the beginning, but it sounds as if you and I are in the same boat. I haven't seen any notice of your husband's age or how long you have been married, but you might find some wonderful words of wisdom in the Mid Life Crisis forum. My husband filed in April. I contested. He hasn't filed a single thing since. It just sits there. It was more of a slap in my face than something he wanted to do. The OW wanted him to do it. She's applying all the pressure to their relationship, not me. Check out the MLC forum and see if it describes your husband. Good luck & (((hugs)))

[AntoniaB]

Punkin I do think this is MLC for a lot of reasons, and since he told me that he wasn't necessarily to throw in the towel till she "sacrificed so much for him by moving out on her long-term bf first" I do think the pressure is coming from her somewhat. I think he is feeling we can't work things out because he did "the unforgivable thing" that I always said was a dealbreaker, which was that "just one kiss" was cheating, and since he doubts my capacity to forgive that, he's given up on me and figured that she is his "only shot at redemption" and a second half to his life. (quotes are all his words). To me, that's all MLC. Yeah he is uhappy with us, but she is ancillary to the issue and he cannot be viewing her entirely accurately as he's been "interested/emotionally involved" with her for just a few months compared to the 23 happy (or so I thought) years with me. He still says he loves me but just isn't feeling the spark. In fact he says he wants to maintain a friendship as he loves being around me, just that he thinks we aren't right for each other anymore. How could I maintain a friendship? I've been so betrayed. And yet I love him so much. That's why it's hard to accept it's over but I also think if I don't accept it I'm setting myself up for even more pain if he never comes back.