need help... am working 3rd shift. do best thinking then. thoughts good, but emotions and decisions can be bad. no surprise. able to piece together things like no other time of day tho. discovered the EA/PA with college flame last year during 3rd shift.
so W just returned home from FL after our recent trip for my mom's 75th bday. some delay coming back for her due to flight cancellations. i brought my oldest home few days ago, and W came home last night w/ other 4 kids in tow. was saying on her FB acct that she did not want to come home. couple of posts like that. but hot to trot to move now. has been for past couple months. during trip to FL, talked about all of us moving down as one family unit to south Florida near my mom (was raised by my mom w/ no dad) and sis/nephew. not the greatest son/brother in recent times but this past year has made me realize the importance of family, especially not having to do with the W. was open to idea about move although wife 2 months ago strangely broached idea of her taking kids and moving from CT w/ me staying behind to work and try to sell our current house while she rents down there. our finances are not good. holding on. barely. funny enough, houses she's now interested in FL are on lower end of what we could probably handle. want to sell more expensive house, pay bills and lots credit debt and start clean with cheaper house bc no savings for college/retirement w/ 5 kids!! sound reasoning or so i thought except for me staying behind.
i had told her no way i could afford paying mortgage and rent. no $$. before trip, she cont'd to try and convince me but stopped. so while she was down there she looked at some houses anyway. i am or was open to it.
but when she returned home, i went on my daughter's laptop which W also uses. noticed on web browser history she wasn't just looking in south FL near where my mom/sis lives which we agreed sounded reasonable, she was also looking @ rental properties in Melbourne and Jacksonville. also looking @ jobs in Melbourne. SAHM but now wants job bc oldest daughter college bound 3 y, no savings, lots debt (unless sell house where we live now and downsize).
I have been locked out her FB acct for past 6 months bc W "want something for me." asked today if I could have access for peace of mind. rebuffed cold. hmmm... turns out a friend of hers on FB lives just outside Jville. company he works for has satellite in Melbourne. double hmmm... they grew up same town, went to elementary school together. i should not have done it but asked her today who is this guy? pretended she didn't know. they had previously exchanged lotsa comments but those have since disappeared. i am her friend but not his so cannot get on his page.
before was open to looking at FL but only if we all go as family. no stay behind for me. she had said ok. today explained retrovaille too during a walk together. did not sound interested. but in light of above i came out and told her today i do not think FL is option anymore. total 180 from yesterday. i probly should have been cool and stayed quiet. she was super UPSET. nice blow up. "that is why I do not like you. you are so negative. everything is what you want to do." i explained that the coincidence of being locked out of FB with w/ her looking for rentals in a town far from my mom and close to this mysterious man was too coincidental. i think if i move out of state w/ kids or allow her to take them, i lose protection from the state, don't I?
also found out later today that she has this acct called ping where can send untraceable texts.
am i reading too much into things? or is this too much coincidence? locked out of FB, this guy lives near JVille, same hometown, he has gone quiet w/ messages to her, her looking in Jville where we DIDN'T have plans to move, looking for job, complaining about money but also goes out shopping periodically w/ me saying no prob bc am a wuss, absolutely refusing me access to FB, that new service for untraceable texts and getting super upset when i said no to FL?
the best part is that he has 4 girls. we have 5 kids. so these 2 people are presumably willing to affect 11 other lives for what? i cannot imagine that she is that crazy. i am so glad to have seen posts from others bc she is acting like an alien. i do not know who she is at times. i cannot imagine that someone can be that crazed to fantasize about "escaping" like that. do they think they will live happily ever after like the brady bunch? for first time today found myself thinking bout severing ties. then wrote down reasons why marriage is important. divorce cannot be the answer. would be interested on the the POV of WAS.
would also like some advice like what should i do? what are my next steps? FL is NOT happening. i am at a loss for words. could not sleep today. maybe 3 hours in two blocks and worked last night and am working now. she was awake when I left for work and seemed quiet. my instinct tells me something is up. total EA isn't it? what can i do? i need to stand up for myselft but don't have plan except for saying no to FL.
It seems like your instincts could be right, but before accusing her of anything, I suggest you get advice from a DB coach. This is the type of situation they deal with on a regular basis. You will get very specific direction as what to do what. I would look forward to talking to you.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
I cannot imagine that she is that crazy. i am so glad to have seen posts from others bc she is acting like an alien. i do not know who she is at times. i cannot imagine that someone can be that crazed to fantasize about "escaping" like that. do they think they will live happily ever after like the brady bunch?
Yep, that is the fantasy! Never underestimate its power over her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
