Stop thinking about what she may or may not be thinking. What is the right thing for YOU to do? If you want to move, then do it. You can't "pursue" your GF if her H is in the picture.
She has to make that break. She is the one who is M. Not you. You two have children together which obviously isn't enough to keep her with you and she's made no move to get a D from her H.
Start doing what YOU want to do and see what happens. If you say her H is such a loser, why is she with him? She comes up with all these lame excuses about him AND you.
Plot your own path and see if she follows. You can't MAKE her do anything she doesn't want to.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You are past the point of standing up to her CB and "fighting" for her. She's living with another man her ex.
You can show her you are stable by letting her go. That would be you leading instead of pursuing. She's a mess and can't stand the thought of being with a man that would chase her to where she is now. If you really love her then let her come to you.
Or you can keep doing what you are doing.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I would find a hot looking woman or a hot looking female "friend" and then I would bring her to the party.....
And THAT'S the truth... I would let my ex WONDER. Wonder who she is, wonder if she likes me, wonder if I like her and yada yada yada.. YEP.. Exactly what I would do.. All with a smile on my face and having all my attention on my daughter and my "temp"
Waiting around isn't working and isn't going to work. Not only that you are already talking about waiting 2 or 3 years? You gotta get some self esteem SOTR... It is NOT worth it. She is NOT worth it. She really isn't
Coach, what do you think about this sitch though where the OM is actually her H? She never actually divorced him.
I think I mentioned this once before, their R simply cannot be looked at as a traditional marriage and the "tug" of that commitment actually being serious. It lasted less then a year and then no contact for 13 years after that. They were literally kids when they had the shotgun wedding. If you go back a page or two you'll see she has said she resents me for putting her in a position where she felt she had no choice but to go to him for help.
Call me delusional if anyone wants to, but I dont think she really wants to be there,but see's it as her only option right now. She CANNOT support herself or the kids, and the prospect of seeing her twins all the time ( as opposed to 1 weekend a month when we were together) being dangled or used as a lever, combined with her feelings about how much I hurt her made it "tolerable" in her mind, at least for now.
If you go back a page or two you'll see she has said she resents me for putting her in a position where she felt she had no choice but to go to him for help.
This is where you are making your biggest mistakes when you believe lies such as that..
She went to him because she WANTED to and they are having an AFFAIR... A LOVE affair.. She has JUSTIFIED it by blaming YOU. Looks like her plan is working too. She has an affair and YOU keep taking the blame.. (not her 1st affair either. She has this down pat.) Get bored, have an affair, blame you and then decide if she wants to come back or not. You then keep saying if you were a better man and and if she could just forgive you that you will take her back for her having another affair...
You are allowing her to set the reality and telling you she is the poor poor victim in this. If you want to keep believing these lies then you are going to stay stuck. YOU are being played my man.. Played. She is playing you like a violin.
And you keep allowing it and even promoting it.. It isn't true what you believe.
Call me delusional if anyone wants to you are delusional , but I dont think she really wants to be there what's the reality? ,but see's it as her only option right now mind reading . She CANNOT support herself or the kids no she has a job, admit it , and the prospect of seeing her twins all the time ( as opposed to 1 weekend a month when we were together) being dangled or used as a lever how about she is having an affair and wants to be with this guy instead of you , combined with her feelings about how much I hurt her made it "tolerable" in her mind, at least for now or at least as long as you keep your current thinking up .
If you truly want to understand your wife stop thinking like a man. Until you understand how and why she feels the way she does you will remain stuck.
I know you are trying. Change your thinking, promise it will help you.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Call me delusional if anyone wants to you are delusional , but I dont think she really wants to be there what's the reality? ,but see's it as her only option right now mind reading . She CANNOT support herself or the kids no she has a job, admit it , and the prospect of seeing her twins all the time ( as opposed to 1 weekend a month when we were together) being dangled or used as a lever how about she is having an affair and wants to be with this guy instead of you , combined with her feelings about how much I hurt her made it "tolerable" in her mind, at least for now or at least as long as you keep your current thinking up .
If you truly want to understand your wife stop thinking like a man. Until you understand how and why she feels the way she does you will remain stuck.
I know you are trying. Change your thinking, promise it will help you.
Cheers
NO Coach, she DOES NOT have a job. I know this for a fact.
As far as her not really wanting to be there goes, its not so much mind reading as what she alluded to.
No she has a "job." She seems to be supporting herself and the kids just fine.
Her alluding to something keeps you on the string. It's not her only option. You are plan B just in case. Remove Plan B. if it's really that bad over there you will find out. You give her all the control over you because you will do anything to make this work. She will still be looking for Plan A because she won't be attracted to you (Plan B) .
Why do you think you get so few responses to your posts?
RobX calls it observing reality. this isn't the first time this woman has done it to you. you are doomed to repeat if you don't change the dynamic. is what you are doing working? is it helping you meet your goals?
You have a choice in how you handle things. I would never recommend to do anything that goes against your morals, values or beliefs. Why are you chasing woman who violates your integrity? Even she can't stand you for it. It makes you look like a chump. that's the reality.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
