The adventure chronicles--moving on

[AFWAW]

Well, I am officially divorced as of 2 Jun 10. I have to say that it has not been a fun ride and I am still quite angry with my ex for how she has been with me and for what she stands for.

I don't believe for a minute that she ever stopped seeing other men when we were trying to work things out. I don't believe that she actually wanted to work things out either. She's addicted to attention and is not and will not be happy unless she is getting her way. She has been a poor example for my daughter and for women in general.

It is disheartening to me that she can so easily put aside what we had and start immediately dating and share this information with my daughter.

Lucky for me, I get to move across the country due to job requirements and I get to take my daughter with me.

It hurts me to know that she is already dating and in fact already has another boyfriend. I know there is nothing I can do about it and try to remind myself that she is not a nice person. It's funny how art sometime imitates life in that I watched the Hangover the other day and the woman that was the dentist's girlfriend reminded me very much of my ex. I think the dentist summed it up quite nicely in the end when he told her she was not a nice person.

So, I try not to dwell on the past throughout the day and I suppose it will get easier with time and distance. What is really disturbing to me is the utter lack of respect and anger my daughter has towards her mother. I know better than to try and change a 14 year old girl's mind so I just listen and validate.

I am absolutely anxious to find someone else to share my life with but don't feel that it's the right time yet. Maybe my next location will be better for this. Until then, I'll concentrate on my daughter and work and making myself better as a person physically, mentally and spiritually.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Until then, I'll concentrate on my daughter and work and making myself better as a person physically, mentally and spiritually.

do this and the women will come to you.

[Kimmie Lee]

What is really disturbing to me is the utter lack of respect and anger my daughter has towards her mother. I know better than to try and change a 14 year old girl's mind so I just listen and validate.

Why on earth would your daughter's utter lack of respect and anger toward her mother be "disturbing" to you? It sounds like a perfectly normal, honest reaction toward a lying betrayer.

Is she not entitled to feel this way? Can she not see for herself what has been going on? Is she simply expected to ignore the impact of what her mother has put her and her father through?

I will never, ever understand why kids are not allowed to think ill of a sh!tty parent. It is the ultimate mind-f*ck for a child to be forced to doubt their own moral values just because mom is a p!ss poor role model.

I applaud your daughter for her strong moral code, and I am very pleased that you guys will be moving away to start fresh.

[AFWAW]

Why on earth would your daughter's utter lack of respect and anger toward her mother be "disturbing" to you? It sounds like a perfectly normal, honest reaction toward a lying betrayer.

It's not so much that she's angry that's disturbing to me as the way she's expressing it that bothers me. For example, "I cannot stand that effing Bitch, why the eff doesn't she just leave me alone." "I cannot believe what a slut she is."

So, it's not that I am not allowing her to think ill of her mom it's just shocking to hear that kind of anger and resentment out of a 14 year old's mouth, especially when it's my beautiful daughter.

I applaud your daughter for her strong moral code, and I am very pleased that you guys will be moving away to start fresh.

Thank you for that. I cannot wait to start fresh.

[AFWAW]

So, I didn't think I'd experience the anger I felt when I found out my ex was cheating on me ever again but I'm feeling it again. If I had to describe it, it's kind of a white hot intesity, a kind of loathing that is indescribable at times. I am trying to focus this anger in a positive manner. I channeled into working out this morning and it has given me some clarity at work but it is so intense that it is tiring to keep up. I'm sure I'll be exhausted later.

[futureunknown]

Your daughter is full of anger, and rightly so. I think it's good she's at least letting her anger out.

My W is a marriage and family therapist, who specializes in helping children deal with family trauma, and I've been her informal sounding board over the years. I've heard a lot about cases involving kids dealing with exactly the kind of anger your daughter is dealing with.

I think your daughter would get tremendous value from talking with a good talented family therapist. If you go that route, make sure it's someone experienced in working with teens. Maybe her school can recommend someone. She can learn to process that anger in healthy ways.

What does she think about the upcoming move?

[AFWAW]

Your daughter is full of anger, and rightly so. I think it's good she's at least letting her anger out.

My W is a marriage and family therapist, who specializes in helping children deal with family trauma, and I've been her informal sounding board over the years. I've heard a lot about cases involving kids dealing with exactly the kind of anger your daughter is dealing with.

I think your daughter would get tremendous value from talking with a good talented family therapist. If you go that route, make sure it's someone experienced in working with teens. Maybe her school can recommend someone. She can learn to process that anger in healthy ways.

What does she think about the upcoming move?

Went to my daughter's 8th grade graduation the other night. After it was over, on the way home, she said that she felt like she was under a lot of stress over the school year because of the seperation and divorce. This of course broke my heart.

My daughter has been through therapy as have I and we were both told that our feelings and reactions were quite normal but they still hurt.

As for our upcoming move, my daughter is excited about it. She wants to get away from the drama of it all and start fresh.

My daughter reported to me that my ex called her yesterday and told her that if she wanted to come over to her place and hang out to tell your daddy to bring you over. She looks oh so very angry everytime she mentions her mother.

[v1olin]

Sorry to hear about your daughters stress. I know my daughter will grow up with the same kind of stress and that sucks. My ex does not even think that she is having any problems. She thinks that our daughters are coping just fine but I fear what will happen when she is a teenager.

From one father of Daughters to another, You are your daughters shining example of strength, honor, and dignity!


Getting away from your ex will be a great thing for both you and your daughter.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Getting away from your ex will be a great thing for both you and your daughter.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Puppy

[AFWAW]

So, for the most part my ex has left me alone. There have been a few random calls which I have ignored. I suspect that she is calling less due to the fact that she has a boyfriend now. She did call and leave a message today about Father's day with regard to my daughter. It was nothing that could not have been handled through email though. So, my question to the crowd is, would it be unreasonalbe to send her an email letting her know that I won't be accepting anymore of her phone calls and anything she has to say can be sent via email. I've been thinking about this for a bit and have thought it may come off as childish but it will certainly help me if I never have to hear her voice again.

Meanwhile, I've been concentrating on me. I go to the gym everyday whether I feel like it or not. At night I spend time with my daughter. I have caught myself feeling down somewhat lately though and I'm ready for this feeling to be gone--anytime now but for some reason it is not.

I know I made the right decision but for some reason don't care to celebrate.

Of note, the one interaction I had with my ex was in regard to my daughter's cell phone. I got her one in accordance with the divorce agreement. It doesn't work at my wife's condo though--no coverage for T-mobile. My ex told me that I needed to get a prepaid phone for her to use there during the time of her visitation as she could not afford it and that if I didn't she would be forced to withhold child support to provide her with a phone. I said, if it's that important to you why don't you get a home phone? She once again said she couldn't afford it. I told her I would look into it. I did, I talked with my lawyer and told her off my ex's threat to withhold child support and explained the cell phone deal. She smiled and said, if she chooses that route, let me know and I will file for contempt of court and they will garnish her wages. She told me to keep in mind that she signed a legally binding document which she agreed to as indicated with her signature and that any deviation would be considered contempt in a judge's view. So, I will not be providing my daughter with an additional phone.

Meanwhile, I cannot wait to move. I have had my house on the market for 1 1/2 months now. Lots of lookers but not one offer. I have 4 months till I move so I'm trying to stay optimistic about that.

For now, I'll try to focus on what's important.