Well 2 weeks ago my wife said she wants a divorce. Long story short, the way she talks about it to me, family, and friends, she seems VERY gung-ho for it, and is thinking it will make her much happier. There has been NOTHING I have said or done that has even made a dent.
She doesn't want to be around me AT ALL in the house, and feels strained and "caged" when she's home.
We have done marital counseling, but since then I simply did not fulfill her needs nor put her first. She now says that she loves me as a person, and not as a husband, and that she wants to work on her and I should work on me so we can become better people and have an amicable divorce. I truly understand what I have done wrong, and simply did not put her first.
She wants to file in 2 weeks, and if I don't contest the divorce, she said she would let me use the 90 day no fault waiting period as a "chance" to see if I can turn things around. However, now she says she sees no hope at all she will change her mind. She says that she cannot give me a fair chance because she is hurt so much, and that she is willing to go through ALL the hurt and pain of divorce and losing everything, to be free. All of her friends and family are supporting her in this too.
Then I found the DR, and tried the last resort. I focused on ME, and started taking responsibility around the house, and doing all the things I should have just to be a good person and responsible spouse. I was happy, upbeat, and just plain fun. This has made her MORE ANGRY than anything, like "why are you doing this now when it's too late!!!!"
Here is the thing: I understand in The DR Last Resort, you aren't supposed to pursue or talk about the relationship. HOWEVER, she DEMANDED an answer about what I was going to do in response to her filing. I wanted to hold to our agreement, but she said IT IS OVER.
We also attend a marriage counselor every other week, but she is basically using it to guide us through the divorce and not to heal our relationship.
She is so very hurt that I did not fulfill her needs, and says that even if I can learn to do that, she does not ever WANT me to. Her heart has moved on, and is searching for another person to do that.
I basically have about 120 days to try, but I feel like once the divorce starts, then the momentum will keep carrying her away.
I feel like I have no hope in this marriage. ANY advice is appreciated AT ALL.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/07/1001:36 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
There is no time limit on anything. You basically have the rest of your life to do whatever you want to do with YOUR life.
You can't control her.
As for picking up around the house, etc. : good. You're going to need to do that whether or not your M makes it, so you are doing it for yourself. Anything you do to improve yourself is really something you are doing for yourself.
The only person who can change your W's mind is your W. You can't do it no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, so start focusing on the 180s because they will improve YOU.
You should have your own attorney. Get one to protect yourself and your interests. Do that now.
Quote:
We also attend a marriage counselor every other week, but she is basically using it to guide us through the divorce and not to heal our relationship.
Then say so in the next session: I don't feel that W is using these sessions to work on our R, so it's a waste of my family's money to continue them. That will be the last session you go to to entertain her guiding your to divorce. You can divorce without MC.
Quote:
Her heart has moved on, and is searching for another person to do that.
Other people do not make us happy. It's a do-it yourself job. If she is already looking, then she has already left the R long ago but didn't have the character and integrity to leave back when that happened.
Protect yourself (get a lawyer), do the 180s to improve yourself, your life will improve as soon as you let it.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/07/1001:51 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
There is no time limit on anything. You basically have the rest of your life to do whatever you want to do with YOUR life.
You can't control her.
As for picking up around the house, etc. : good. You're going to need to do that whether or not your M makes it, so you are doing it for yourself. Anything you do to improve yourself is really something you are doing for yourself.
The only person who can change your W's mind is your W. You can't do it no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, so start focusing on the 180s because they will improve YOU.
You should have your own attorney. Get one to protect yourself and your interests. Do that now.
Quote:
We also attend a marriage counselor every other week, but she is basically using it to guide us through the divorce and not to heal our relationship.
Then say so in the next session: I don't feel that W is using these sessions to work on our R, so it's a waste of my family's money to continue them. That will be the last session you go to to entertain her guiding your to divorce. You can divorce without MC.
Quote:
Her heart has moved on, and is searching for another person to do that.
Other people do not make us happy. It's a do-it yourself job. If she is already looking, then she has already left the R long ago but didn't have the character and integrity to leave back when that happened.
Protect yourself (get a lawyer), do the 180s to improve yourself, your life will improve as soon as you let it.
Wisdom. ^
QuickSilver, your wife has very likely ALREADY found someone else -- please be careful, and get your own legal representation. There's a reason they put that little "v" in between the names of the parties in these things.
Sorry, I dont mean to hijack Quicksilver, but puppy, my first post didnt go over very well with you because of the formatting. I reposted a clean version and could really use some support and advice.
Quicksilver, im not in a position to be giving advice, but you have a pro already on it. Best wishes..
QuickSilver, your wife has very likely ALREADY found someone else -- please be careful, and get your own legal representation. There's a reason they put that little "v" in between the names of the parties in these things.
Puppy
There is one guy from high school she has been talking to on FB. She gets on there alot at night, but says that it is because he went through a divorce and she needs support. She also talks with a ton of other people too (mostly girls) who are her friends.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/07/1007:54 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
There is one guy from high school she has been talking to on FB. She gets on there alot at night, but says that it is because he went through a divorce and she needs support.
Red flag. Your wife is turning to a "facebook friend" for emotional support. We know she wants a D, so you can bet what this "friend" is doing.
Dude... EA. See a lawyer, then ask her to either stop conacting the FB friend or move out.
You are the 1692 person here whose M got into trouble over facebook.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/07/1008:03 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
QuickSilver, your wife has very likely ALREADY found someone else -- please be careful, and get your own legal representation. There's a reason they put that little "v" in between the names of the parties in these things.
Puppy
There is one guy from high school she has been talking to on FB. She gets on there alot at night, but says that it is because he went through a divorce and she needs support.
BINGO -- there's your EA. Do yourself a favor, and do some reading up on "PEA love chemicals love lust addiction" (just Google that, and follow the links). Scary stuff. HIGHLY addictive.
