I've been a member here for a while. Thought my stbx was a WAS. I don't think that's quite correct. I think MLC is more appopriate. Brief history: Things were fine and happy until the summer before the bomb. Things were weakened then, but didn't seem to be that far out. Just not right, ya know? Then the nephew commits suicide and the ride began. She moved out on Mother's day and then I let her come back thinking she was trying later that year. I look back now and see that was not the case. Before she left it was all kinds of crazy crap such as I want a boyfriend and a tattoo and maybe a baby - but not with you!! Anger and juvenile behavior all over the place. Got skinny and a new set of friends ditching the old friends and family almost over night. While trying to work it out, she decided she couldn't do it. It was all my fault - all of it. That's what she has said all along. She had this grand plan we'd be friends for ever and that was how it would be. Told me we were still a family 'depending how you define family' and told the kids we would still do family things etc. WTF? Now, several months later, we still have to live in the same house. Her upstairs and me in the bedroom. We barely speak to each other. She was soooooo mean and nasty there was no way I was going to put up with that. Tells me she doesn't trust me. Again, WTF? Lately, I have dropped the rope completely. I can barely stand to look at her after all that anger. But I did allow one fight a few weeks ago. I wasn't backing down that time for whatever reason. She seemed to take that pretty hard, but wants to hide it from me. She tries to hide the pain from me. Doesn't work very well though; we've been married and known each other too long. She is still very very angry but I couldn't tell you why. Only she would know. At one point I did tell her I can't make her angry or unangry. I know that. I know it was nothing I did, not that I'm perfect. She wants what she wants and when you don't play along you are the bad guy. At least that's how it seems. I also told her it was hard to be friends with somebody that treats me like that. I told her I am not going to be her doormat. Period. Not one moment longer. Lately, she has been texting me. Letting me know she is staying over night, or apologizing for not telling me she was going to be out all night and not coming home. I don't respond, but it seems weird. I mean, you want to be divorced (by the way, I've only agreed to not fight her on getting a divorce. I will not be the one to pull that trigger - seems important to me for some reason). She has it in her mind that this is "the right thing to do." Not that she wants this, but that it's the right thing. WTF?
Anyway, I can't make heads or tails of it. Very confusing, but it seems divorce is looming. Not what I wanted, but I don't have much choice in this dance. Haven't for quite some time. Therapist tells me my stbx moved me into the category of "formerly intimate friend." Pastor tells me same based on some conversations via email I showed him. Not sure why she is doing this, other than it has a lot of hallmarks of MLC more than anything. Therapist told me at the beginning that this was mostly her and a little bit me. Took me a long time to realize that and internalize it. Said it was complicated. She's right. I can see that and spent a lot of time and energy coming to that conclusion after trying to fight that possibility. STBX told me she just doesn't want to live in a loveless marriage. Huh? It wasn't until she found something to blame me for that she could make stick and then later tell me she sees it is just a difference between us. Wheeeeeeee.....
How old is your wife? It sounds familiar to a lot of the stories here Our spouses seem to change overnight they are differnet different friends different dress My xh couldnt even talk to me after bomb he would leave the room when I walked it it is sad and just mind blowing the only thing I can say is we need to take care of ourselves now our spouses are being swept into something we/they have control over and the majority of them seem to follow the call they cant reason or think loically take care of your finances and be careful with credit cards watch her spending many was wind uo in debt continue to sek therapy be there for the kids create a lidfe find a hobby eat sleep and let her go lovingly be cordial and frindly not accusatory or angry good luck peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
