I love this site! I have always admired all the support and true concern everyone has shown. This is exactly why I am back now.
Divorce was final 1.5 yrs. ago. I have been a single mom to 3 kids, D-20, S-17, S-14 for about 3 years now. Like many, my XH had an affair, left me for another woman and was going through MLC as well.
Point is I find myself unable to keep up a positive attitude. The XH lives nearby with his new wife (married her right after D was final). She was and is very, very wealthy and so he seems to be living the life! They travel all the time, he has all new toys, at the end of the day, they have each other for affection and support. I sound resentful and honestly sometimes I am. My life hasn't been so easy, I am battling lyme disease, I work long hours and get home late to cook and clean and he left me with a house that needs tons of repairs and I support one kid in college.
After 22 yrs of marriage I realized how selfish he was. Now as I try to find myself again, I see that as I take two steps forward in re-inventing myself, my Xh will do something that sidetracks me. Such as coming into my neighborhood to play tennis, or sit at the community pool with her. And of course, I am to blame for everything! Since the kids don't like to be with him he blames me. If the kids do something he doesn't like....it's because of me. He has rewritten the whole marriage and of course...I was at fault.
Thing is I do want to forgive all the pain both he and she caused me and the kids. But just as I think I am making progress he does something to fight with me. I really think he wants to see me fail.
I have prayed much, truth is I am lonely. Does this happen to anyone else?
You have every right to feel resentful. that is disgusting and you would never do that to someone, so why wouldn;t you resent it being done to you??!! I'm so sorry that happened to you, but i promise that people with money arent as happy as they seem, and if he did it to you.... think about it. he'll do it to her! but by then you will be with someone who really deserves you. keep your head up, girl
Thanks for the words of encouragement! I get so much advice from friends and family and they always say the same thing, "you need to move on" and "let it go".
Sometimes I need to hear what I'm feeling is not that crazy!
youre NOT crazy!! gees, you gave twenty years to someone and they do that to you? i hope you do move on, but who can blame you if it's REALLLLLLLY hard! you poor thing.
I really wish he would go off and live somewhere else, and give me time to heal. I have a friend who's H left her for OW (younger) even though my friend is pretty young.
Point is she's doing very well but, they had no kids and he moved away with OW. Kinda outta sight, outta mind!
I have prayed over and over to forgive from the heart and wouldn't you know it...not long after, I suffer some blow from my XH. He is a real gem!!! She (OW) gives him unlimited $$ to sue me if necessary to force my younger two S's to spend every other weekend with them. However he committed to paying my D's college tuition for two out of four yrs, and nope says he has no money for that!!
I know, I know I have to trust that God will handle this. I just don't want to become really bitter. Haha, on top of it I live in a part of Southern Maryland where there aren't that many available men. I should say....many men that aren't M or amish....
Really thanks for listening, I always feel better when I come on the boards! Believe it or not I do more reading than posting and even though I don't want anyone to suffer this type of misery, I feel like I am part of a sister/brotherhood of people like me who know what it's like to have your world destroyed and a pain that is every bit like a death!
Hi Hopeful, it's very hard being alone especially when your kids are old enough that they don't need you like they did before when younger. I've been separated 2.5 years and I know what it feels like to come home to an empty apartment when for 17 years I came home to a wife and family. You do adjust, you do your best but sometimes it gets to you! I do like your attitude re: forgiveness but it can be hard especially when you see your ex going on his merry way while you're still alone and hurting. Again, it's hard, hard, hard! I know my STBX/Ex/whatever seems to be doing just fine without me. I never wish bad things for her but sometimes...well, you know. Anyway, I say if your choice is between a M guy or an Amish guy, go Amish...you can get a romantic buggy ride out of it at least!
Hopeful2 and Whatisis, I had to sit back and chuckle over your comments about the men in our county. Go for the "M" men and not the "A" men. At least the "M" men can drive and have electric and running water in their homes. Romantic buggy rides can happen w/them as well, but w/better benefits.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ha ha, have you heard, they say Amish don't bathe often! Hmmm Geez, Amish are much more simple.....I'll have to think about that one!:)
Thanks for your kind words. It is tough and your situation doesn't sound fun either. Do you only get to see your kids now and then? That would kill me.
Wow, ya know the friend I was referring to in my earlier post is a teacher in a middle school. Not long ago she asked one of her seventh grade classes a question. "How many of you still live at home with both parents?" Seven hands went up in a class 31 kids! OMG, what an epidemic!
Either way better alone than with a M (married) man or a somewhat questionable smelling one!
