I'm just scared all the time.

[LuvsMeLuvsMeNot]

Sorry, but I'm going to be blunt.

If you stand up for the rights of your children, I think this will happen: she will see that you ARE responsible, that you care, and that she needs to think twice about what she's doing.

If you stay away, she will see you "giving up" on the children, on the responsibilities you have as a father.

And I need to correct and say: if your name is on the mortgage/title/lease, you have ever legal right to be there.

[TimeHeals]

staying against her wishes sure wasn't working. I'm kind of walking around without a plan. I want to go home, but I want her to at least be willing to have me there.

OK, so let's do a worst-case risk assesment here.

Let's say she winds up divorcing you, and there is nothing whatsoever that you can do about it.

You still want to spend quality time with your kids, you still would rather be living in your own home, but it's just hard when you have this person walking around the same home that hates you.

The things that test us can make us stronger.

I failed at this, but if you can move back in and decide not to get baited into R talk or squables or trying to get her to change her mind and basically think, "Well, that's her problem to figure out" while you go about your life (and maybe find out more that you can post here), and just decide to live the best and happiest life you can no matter what she is doing... how would that be more aweful than where you are now?

The trick--and you have to be strong--is just not worrying or fearing what she is going to do or decide.

[LuvsMeLuvsMeNot]

Stop being afraid. It's hard as hell and we've all been there.

Yep, almost every mistake I ever made in my M was the result of being afraid in one way or another.

Don't make the same mistakes I made.

Well said!

Um, may I borrow that for facebook? ;p Hmm...can't quite give credit, though, and maintain everyone's anonymity.

[Royloveshiswife]

I'm for you going home, as well. Stay in the spare bedroom. If you're paying for the home, you have every legal right to be there, and the KIDS deserve to have you there, no matter who is the better parent. If she fails to see that, then she certainly is no better than you.

I'd like to reiterate my previous post, as well, and suggest you rule out other possibilities besides "laziness" and "irresponsibility." You seem like a thoughtful person, and thoughtful people are not, generally, intentionally those things.

Oh there are other reasons I'm sure. And I certainly wasn't intentionally either of those things.

I can't move back right now. I suppose I believe I'm showing sacrifice for her happiness. Don't really believe that, but thats hard to deny either. I do know if I go into our home against her wishes, those papers will be filed. I'm not ready to face up to that. Maybe I'm hoping she will come to her senses. I'm not sure this is all about me. Some of her complaints are about things that happened 4 or 5 years ago. We don't even live in the same town anymore, much less the same circumstances. I just don't know.

[LuvsMeLuvsMeNot]

Those papers are going to be filed, at this point, regardless.

I've just gone through this. You do NOT want to be out of the home, when the judgments come down.

Your children DESERVE to have their dad there!!! Think of THEM! Someone has to!

Sometimes, sacrificing ourselves sacrifices our children, as well. Stand up for them.

[LuvsMeLuvsMeNot]

Don't be so afraid to lose something that you lose it. You say you're not giving up, but you are, until you have a plan.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, not plans. Do what you need to do, right now.

If you think she'd file immediately, because you moved back in and "disrespected" her, you can say, "I'm sorry if you feel that way, but I want to be near my children and they deserve to have both of us in their lives. I will do right by my children and abandoning them, just because you want me to move out is not an option. Also, this is my home too, and I will not leave it, and be a burden on others. (Whether your parents are fine with it or not makes no difference.)"

[TimeHeals]

Your children DESERVE to have their dad there!!! Think of THEM! Someone has to!

I agree.

And insofar as we know from what you have posted here, at least there is no known EA or PA so far, so that gives you a leg up on many of us here, I hope.

[Royloveshiswife]

I understand your points. I even agree with most of them. It still remains: she has had the paperwork for 2 months and no action has been taken since I left. I generally stay over there at least 2-3 nights a week, every week since I left. I see my kids about 1/2 the week every week so far. I don't want the situation to get worse than it is. And I'm sure if I try to move back in, it will get worse. Fast.

[TimeHeals]

still remains: she has had the paperwork for 2 months and no action has been taken since I left. I generally stay over there at least 2-3 nights a week, every week since I left. I see my kids about 1/2 the week every week so far. I don't want the situation to get worse than it is. And I'm sure if I try to move back in, it will get worse. Fast.

I think you need coach, greek and puppy type folks now that we have more info here.

Things were probably getting much worse because you couldn't leave each other alone (especially if you were asking about the M, divorce, and other such topics).

You need to give us more info and get some better advice.

And good luck on your job search!

[Vulcanized]

I understand your points. I even agree with most of them. It still remains: she has had the paperwork for 2 months and no action has been taken since I left. I generally stay over there at least 2-3 nights a week, every week since I left. I see my kids about 1/2 the week every week so far. I don't want the situation to get worse than it is. And I'm sure if I try to move back in, it will get worse. Fast.

Hi Roy,

Sorry you are here. On the plus side, there are many many folks who have gone thru exactly what you are going thru. Some have saved their M and some haven't. But, you will find invaluable info here.

I think you should move back into your house. I assume the deed/mortgage is in your name? If so, you have every legal right to be in your home. Kissing your W's a$$ so she doesn't file is definitely NOT a good plan. If your W wants out so badly, she should pack up her $hit and move.

Your children deserve to have their father in their life. I understand that you don't want to anger your wife by pushing the issue, but your W already has the paperwork. Your fear of your W is not helping you think clearly.

I don't have children, but I believe that if your W files D and you aren't living in your house, that it gives W a greater edge when it comes to custody. I was reading this very recently.

Stay calm, other folks will come along w/help shortly.