OK, so what do YOU get out of this deal? You are giving up your home, your time with your kids, and so on, but what do you get for all of that? A divorce?
If it were me having gone through what I have already gone through, I would let her decide if she was willing to give all that stuff up before I just gave up.
I haven't given up. I left to give her time and room to think. I'm hoping and praying that she will feel it's worth it. That she will want me to come back. It was making her miserable for me to stay. I couldn't stand seeing her that way, so I left. I WANT to go home. I WANT to be with my kids. I WANT my family back. But I want her to want that too. And if I stayed she was filing the next day. I saw the paperwork. It may be inevitable, but I want to put off for as long as I can. Maybe I'm naive, but thats where I am.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
And seriously, I don't know how to give up. I thought that was courageous. or stupid.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
This is what was wrong. YOU weren't making her feel miserable. SHE was making HERSELF feel miserable. It has nothing to do with you.
She might be re-evaluating her life, her goals, her decisions, whatever.
You can't control that. It's her choice to feel that way. So by understanding that, you do what YOU want to do. Believe me, she'll even start blaming you for why it rains or doesn't rain. She needs someone to blame for her feeling the way she does. Make a stand. You don't need to do it in a demanding way or being upset. Just make the decision to stand and say "WTF? this isn't what I want".
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
No one is telling you to give up. Think about this like a football game. There's the same goal, but different plays to get there. All you're doing is trying a different play because it's not getting through her defense.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I'm hoping and praying that she will feel it's worth it. That she will want me to come back.
Because you ran away? I don't know. Doesn't seem like much of a plan to me.
Quote:
It was making her miserable for me to stay. I couldn't stand seeing her that way
Sounds like that was mutual. I am sure you are leaving out way too many details, so I will just repeat, "so your plan was to run away?".
Quote:
I WANT to go home. I WANT to be with my kids
This you can fix by going home for now.
Quote:
I WANT my family back
Unless you do something really stupid, you aren't going to lose your family. Your wife, on the other hand, has checked out for now. You can't lose her if she is already gone, so what are you afraid of?
I don't think "I don't want a divorce, so I am going to make it as easy as possible for my wife to decide to get one" is going to work. I could be wrong.
Has moving out worked?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/01/1010:06 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Didn't "run away". I'm just not there. And I agree it's not much of a plan. But staying against her wishes sure wasn't working. I'm kind of walking around without a plan. I want to go home, but I want her to at least be willing to have me there. Right now thats not an option. I guess I need to come up with a plan. Just making it up as I go for now.
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
I'm for you going home, as well. Stay in the spare bedroom. If you're paying for the home, you have every legal right to be there, and the KIDS deserve to have you there, no matter who is the better parent. If she fails to see that, then she certainly is no better than you.
I'd like to reiterate my previous post, as well, and suggest you rule out other possibilities besides "laziness" and "irresponsibility." You seem like a thoughtful person, and thoughtful people are not, generally, intentionally those things.
