I'm just scared all the time.

[Royloveshiswife]

In Sept. of 09, my wife of 10 years asked me to leave for a few days while she thought our marriage over. I Begged her to let me stay so WE could work on it. She relented and let me stay. I thought we were making progress, then on Oct. 18 she took off her ring and said she wanted a divorce. I left for the night. The next day I asked to meet for coffee and she agreed. We talked for about an hour. At the end of the conversation, she agreed to work on it with me. On March 11 she told me she wanted me out still. she couldn't take having me in the same house with her. I left (again) and have been gone off and on since then. I don't get invited home, I get invited to stay the night in one of the spare beds and see our children (we have 3). I have been unemployed since last July (layed off after 10 years due to impending closure) so I've had to stay at my parents home. I don't know how to give up on anything, much less my marriage. As far as I know she still hasn't filed yet, but in a way thats worse because I wake up every day wondering if today is the day.
There is no one else for either of us, no affairs ever. We have 2 boys and a little girl and we both adore them all. They are staying with her in our home because I won't take my children from their mother. She is a fantastic mother and was a great wife. I have ordered one of the books and waiting on its arrival. I've never been scared before this. I just need to know there is hope out there.

[MrBond]

There is always hope. Sorry you've found yourself on here.

What were her reasons for wanting a D?

[TimeHeals]

There is hope. You never knew what the future would bring before this all happened, but you probably didn't spend as much time worrying about it.

I want you to put together a good resume and start looking for jobs in the meantime. It's tough out there, so get busy with that while you settle down and wait for the books.

[Greek]

In Sept. of 09, my wife of 10 years asked me to leave for a few days while she thought our marriage over.

What issues was she thinking over?

She relented and let me stay.

Let you stay in your own home?

I thought we were making progress, then on Oct. 18 she took off her ring and said she wanted a divorce.

Stated reason?

Fill us in on the rest of the story.
Greek

[Royloveshiswife]

-I didn't look for work for about a month after I lost my job. Looking back I think I was depressed (not sure, never have been before). I was rather irresponsible off and on throughout our marriage. I had completely unrealistic plans. There are many other issues as well.
-I say let me stay because I won't fight to take my kids and home from her. I love them and I believe her to be a better parent than I.
-She said she was done trying.

[TimeHeals]

Umm here's the story we usually hear:

Some trouble comes along, man gets depressed or withdraws emotionally.

Woman tells man she wants divorce.

Man begs, reasons, professes his undying devotion to wife.

Now, she has all the power.

Why? Because he is afraid... afraid she will leave.

Why isn't she afraid? Chances are things are going to be no bed or roses for her either. Sometimes there is an emotional or physical affair (or just the begining of an emotional affair). Sometimes wife is just bitter and resentful over not having her needs met.

And here you are: You are afraid. Fear is what is driving your actions. If it was driving hers, she'd fight for this M just like you are doing.


Greek asked you why you moved out of your own house. Good question, and is there a reason why you, the person who wants the M, moved out? Aside from fear?

[MrBond]

Is she paying for the house on her own? Do you contribute to the expenses?

[Royloveshiswife]

Greek asked you why you moved out of your own house. Good question, and is there a reason why you, the person who wants the M, moved out? Aside from fear?

I was asked to go. I left with the hope that if I didn't fight to stay anymore, she could want to have me come home. I stayed against her wishes for almost 6 months, it wasn't getting us any closer to each other. She would find excuses to stay away (work late or a night out with her friends). She wanted to avoid me so much she was separating herself from our kids. I decided to not force her to make that decision anymore.

[tristan]

-I didn't look for work for about a month after I lost my job. Looking back I think I was depressed (not sure, never have been before). I was rather irresponsible off and on throughout our marriage. I had completely unrealistic plans. There are many other issues as well.
-I say let me stay because I won't fight to take my kids and home from her. I love them and I believe her to be a better parent than I.
-She said she was done trying.

My suggestions:
1. Work your butt off to find a job.
2. Work your butt off to be the better parent.

These are two things that she will be sure to notice. Plus you should be doing them anyway.

Take care,
-T

[MrBond]

"I decided to not force her to make that decision anymore."

First off, you didn't "force" her to make any decision. It was her decision to feel uncomfortable. Not from what you did. Also, if there is a mother who distances herself from her children, it's not because of the husband.

She's just using you as an excuse for her own unhappiness.