WAW EA told her to leave

[DangerDave]

Thanks Susan and Pinhead - I know I need to cool my jets down, It's just so hard to walk away from being beat up. D16 woke up in the middle of the night last night crying her eyes out - I feel so bad for the kids it's killing me. We were both in her room, never got a reason but I know what it's the D - it's just the start for them. W reassured her that we were both there and it's alright, it's going to be a lot different when I'm gone - if I have the strength to leave the kids behind.

Tough days ahead-

DD

[DangerDave]

So do I stay here in this forum or move to one of the others? Should I start a new thread or do I continue to DB and detach (no choice) and stay here??

Thank all,

DD

[DangerDave]

Hey all - Well lawyer is telling me to stay put for now for a variety of reasons, so taking his advice at this point, I'm paying for it so I should respect it!

Kids are asking questions as teen's will and just staying neutral on the subject of why. S14 wanted to know if I was taking W off health ins - odd question for a child to ask, but I told him no and not to worry, w's in perfect health (physically anyway!) and it's a non issue at this point.

L has outlined several scenarios but will have to wait and see the actual petition before knowing what will be what. I am enlisting my own personal group of family and financial advisors that can help me sort out the eventual legal-ease that will be soon heading my way. I really don't want to be an island here with my only objective opinions coming from someone that's being paid to follow the rules and deal with W lawyer - I now have that circle of close friends that mimic the W's tea party with her and her 3 recently (under 1 yr) divorced girlfriends - fight fire with fire - just don't let them know how much fuel you have

Keeping things good at home with the kids, not being over the top with them but always positive engagement and fun - after homework! Also have the next four days and three nights with them all to myself and another dirt bike day this weekend too! Just have to find something this Sunday to go and do for myself - I have committed to having a me day every weekend when the W is home with them. It's sad (for the kids)that she's not working hard with the kids on "her" day to keep them engaged but that's not my problem.

In fact I have no problems at all, just goals on a journey that never ends, it's up to me on how twisty the road will be!


Thanks

DD

[Dane]

Dave,
I would not leave, unless you just can't deal with it mentally anymore. It kind of becomes a seige mentality, you are in it for the long haul regardless of the outcome.
There is something to be said for getting away from the WAW and your PMA at some point.
I find it interesting that your WAW has a coffee clutch of recently divorced women. That is exactly what my WAW developed for about a year pre-bomb, backed up by another circle of friends telling her it was ok to have an affair and to get a divorce.
Typical WAW behavior find any source that will justify and reinforce their position.
Prediction - she will be mad and think it is unfair that you have a group of "advisors", afterall she is the only one allowed to have them.

[DangerDave]

Thanks Dane,

Modified this very famous quote from Patrick Henry:

"The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the pro-active, the intelligent, the brave..."

DD

[DangerDave]

Hey all,

Well TGIF everyone! And I do mean it sincerely!

Going to make it a great weekend for me and the kids, a little shopping with D16 Saturday and a bit of dirt biking with S14 on Sunday - hopefully I can get him away from the video games and let him see the great outdoors. It's tough to pry him away at times - if he doesn't go it makes it really hard to decide to leave him at home and let W have another day with him while I would be out having fun - tough choice really, but it's more important to be with him regardless of what he's doing.

So to ensure a great weekend I'll be going out to dinner with a single friend of the opposite sex who's been really supportive of my sitch and also gives a great neck rub to boot! She's giving me some great insight from the W perspective. I have to say it gives me such a relief from those negative vibes/emotions to have a woman pay attention to me, have great conversations and no expectations beyond being close friends - and yes I do keep my eyes and ears wide open - DB'ing has taught me more than I ever knew about listening and hearing what is really be said!

Call it a date, and I know it is, but it's been the very best thing I've found that can keep my mind from going completely to mush - not for everyone but it's been great therapy for me!

Will be back Monday with an update for sure and again thanks to everyone for you support - the forum has been and will always be a primary lifeline for me, and while I am dropping the rope, I'll never cut the line here!

Thanks

DD

[DangerDave]

Hey all,

Well another weekend in the books and was about a 50/50 wash for me - had a great evening watching the Giants win and head to the World Series with a nice woman friend of mine - no hanky panky just some good company with someone that makes me feel good about myself - very therapeutic for me right now. Had some good pizza and a beer or three, got home around 11:30 and just felt great. Spent the following day doing everyone's laundry and cleaning up a bit around the house to keep the home maintenance to a reasonable level.

W said to me a couple weeks ago that all this stuff I do around the house was just a "Show" for the kids to get them on my side - lol - retorted that it's no show, it's me learning what has to happen here everyday when your'e not here anymore - no response on that one from her.

The low part of the weekend was my s14 and d16 were getting on each other's nerves and I needed to step in a break it up - well while I handled it as I should, S14 fired back with "I'm glad this divorce is happening, I don't like you". That hurt pretty deeply, he's ADHD and ODD, so I have to keep emotions in check with some of the things he says (we all do at home) but man that one really stung - now he's giving me the silent treatment, hopefully will only last another week or so - just have to tread carefully with him to lower his resentment right now.

Going to be a long week, but get to race my car this coming weekend at a world famous track for three days - going to keep a level head to ensure a great Halloween weekend!

Hope everyone had a good weekend as well -

Thanks

DD

[DangerDave]

Well it's midweek and I'm still alive, kicking and having a pretty good time at work and dodging the bullets at home. Not that I'm keeping my head down, just that my body armor now includes a helmet so it keeps my mind on my kids and myself - not looking over my shoulder.

I see a lot of "new" old vet's coming through here lately and also notice a diminished amount of posting by the usual suspects, also vets. I know a forum does evolve with it's members and I think it's a good thing, I really respect all the vet's here as I read through everyone's sitch's how well they align with each other.

It looks like starting a new thread may be in the best interest of anyone who's been here a while to help maybe pick up a few new advisors to help guide us in this journey!

Your thoughts appreciated!

Thanks

DD

[DangerDave]

Hey all!

Well onto another week of DB'ing and looking forward to the month of November!

The W filed a little over 2 weeks ago and I still have not been served yet. I nor she has said a word about D or R since the initial hit so I'm just looking at this "limbo time" as more time for me to hang onto my L retainer and get out and have some more GAL in the name of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!

Had an amazing weekend at the track - over 150 members that I've known for many years, but have not seen for well over six months now. I was completely overwhelmed to the point of embarrassment with the compliments of my "New Me" - my new physical condition, clean shave'n, no glasses, new hair style and most importantly my new attitude - it's even hard to put it down here as I'm not a self promoter in the least. I had to re-introduce myself to almost everyone there!

It's amazing to me how the new "Nice Dave" was received by everyone, invites across the country and even abroad, living arrangements if needed and omg I can have a new date every weekend from now until hell freezes over, personally set up by my close friends without even asking!

I have to say that this was the most self-confidence inducing weekend I've had in 25 years. This is who I should have been all along and I am so glad I found ME! It's THE wake up call I think everyone in LBS land needs to have - if you really dedicate yourself to quality of life changes for yourself you will find a happiness in all the dread you've been dragged through - honestly I can say that it's made this trip into my own private hell a journey that I know now I had to take.

I'm looking forward to a weekend away with S14 and will meet up with S22 while away, S14 really looks up to S22 so hoping they can talk and ease some of S14 attitude towards me - not side taking at all, just I am dad first and foremost to him always.

Following weekend is a 3 day trip doing the dirt bike thing with D16 and friends - invite is open for the W and S14 to come as well, haven't heard one way or the other on that - will have to ask W by Wednesday this week if she's planning on coming, have to finalize the accommodations based on how many are going.

W did inform me that she was not sure about taking the FT swing shift job offer she has on the table - if she takes it it helps me with custody in the future, if she doesn't it helps me with spousal support in the future as well - kind of a win-win or should I say less lose - less lose situation for me. Just add it to my head scratching with her intentions - when I think about it which is way way less than usual - refreshing really.

Well all for now and thanks everyone for your support!!

DD

[idontunderstand]

You sound really good, DD.

I admire your great attitude and the fact that you're not sitting around waiting for your W to come around. Keep having fun with the kids and doing things for you.

This is who I should have been all along and I am so glad I found ME! It's THE wake up call I think everyone in LBS land needs to have - if you really dedicate yourself to quality of life changes for yourself you will find a happiness in all the dread you've been dragged through - honestly I can say that it's made this trip into my own private hell a journey that I know now I had to take.

I really like this statement. Carry on!