I guess I should have clarified. I'm not concerned about the reunion meeting. I have to send emails out for that and WH is part of the group so there is nothing I can really do and it would be more awkward if I excluded him from emails and meetings (I'm heading the project).
I am concerned about the actual reunion itself when we will see alot of people from high school, teachers, friends, etc. as to how WH will act and if he will wear his ring and pretend (like he did at the wedding).
BeingMe - I haven't read through your whole situation... are you still married?
Ah, sorry, misread. I think you should act like someone who is separated. You don't have to say anything to anyone, unless asked, to which you could give a short answer that you are taking a break from each other, or something like that. If he wants to pretend then that's for him to try and you to reject. Not so? When is the reunion?
I am still married, for various reasons. I am no longer "in love", but I have no interest in romance. I have other things that I am concerned about, and going through a S, D, and moving to some place on my own will not be a good thing now. Timing is everything.
Whereas, you are young and have your whole life ahead. I know you still love your H, but I have learned in my life that love is only a small part of a R. It is the part that holds it together, but if all you have is the glue, and nothing to stick together such as, respect, friendship, companionship, intimacy, etc., then there is no point, IMHO.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
That also another thing I was wondering. What do you say to people? For acquiantances they obviously probably won't really ask questions. But I have been getting a lot of "what happened?", etc. from people. I have told 3 very close friends and family more of the details but for everyone else I don't really want to talk about it.
For acquitances I have been saying "We are currently seperated".
For closer friends that have more questions (one friend asked where we were living), I have just been saying "We have been seperated since the end of May. I'm not sure where he is livings because I have only talked to him once or twice since then. I don't really have much else to say about it."
I just really don't feel like discussing it to be honest. It's very painful and no one really knows the whole background of what he is doing so its just pointless because I feel like if I start even talking about it a little my anger will come out and I will end up bashing him somehow and that could get back to him so I would rather just not discuss it at all.
Also, sorry for all the questions. But when this originally happened 4 weeks ago I said I would keep my husband on my insurance but now I think I might want to take him off.
I am paying $240 per month toward that insurance. What is everyone's thoughts on that?
Maybe you should just tell them that you're not ready to talk about it because it's too painful. That maybe after a few months you'll be able to discuss it. In the meantime, you just want to move on. The best support you need now is to GAL, have some fun with your friends, and not discuss it at length. The friends you have told might be a good resource if you need to get something off your chest quickly. When I was going through my sitch, I designated three friends to talk to, so that they didn't feel everything was being dumped onto just the one person, and constantly being phoned, etc. It worked very well. They have to be really good friends though.
Three weeks is still quite a while. Start thinking about it a week before. For now, just go out and do stuff, or read, or do your hobbies, or whatever you find is fun.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
What about insurance... I originally said I would keep him on but now I am having second thoughts and want to take him off because I'm having to pay $240 per month.
Possible email:
"Hi WH,
I have decided it would be best to remove you from my health insurance. I plan to make the change effective for July 9, 2010 which will give you enough time to make arrangements on your end so you do not have to go without any coverage. If there is not open enrollment at your work you should be able to still get coverage due to a change in status. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thanks."
That is quite a lot. It could be paying part of the mortgage, if he decides to stop paying his side. Is the house on your name, or both? Perhaps keep him on, but he will have to reimburse you the $240? Just until the D, if there is one.
It sounds like the two of you need to sit down and hash out a separation agreement where you can negotiate the things you and he want. If his health is costing you, then you should get something for it, for instance. You should also make sure you are not held responsible for any debt he may incur from now on. A lawyer will know about this, or perhaps there is information online in your state about what you should do where a SA is concerned.
As for the email; I think you should wait until you know whether a SA is going to be drawn up. It's a good negotiating point.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm thinking about just filing. I don't want to go back to this marriage anyway. I guess I don't see the point of drawing this out another year when I can get it over with now. My main concern is my house and if I will be able to get money from WH to be able to live here that is my main motivation for not moving forward with anything.
What are my advantages to filing now or just waiting the seperation out until he files?
The health insurance is a very good negotiating point for a formal separation agreement or divorce. I would not send that e-mail unless you are prepared to draw something up.
I don't see a problem with you asking him to reimburse you for his monthly share of the insurance. If he declines then I would say go ahead and drop him but still have a formal agreement drawn up.
It's too much money each month to keep paying without reimbursement for a spouse that is not in the marriage.
