After 21.5 years of marriage my husband broke down crying at church we went to the car and talked he said he loved our family and didnt want a divorce but wanted to go to counseling i was scared to death and of course agreed to go! we went to psych,and counseled w our pastor , also went to a fireproof group which met weekly for ten wks or so. he started being a different person we fought all the time, he worked came home a sat on the couch didnt talk to anyone lost lots of weight stayed up late, slept on the couch, and was a total different person towards me. he said he wasnt sure if he loved me anymore and didnt have any emotions for me!I caught him texting a woman and kicked him out on july 3 he basically dropped the bomb on me the week before fathers day 09. he went to stay w a friend and we fought all the time, he came home every night after work and sat til ten or so then he would go to his guy friends to sleep the even come home in the morning before work to see our two kids off to school which i thought was strange? he confessed to having a girlfriend then he said he didnt???? after a few months he moved back in and said he was doing it for the kids he slept on the couch! our pastor told us to do different things like pray together daily, have coffee in the morning and talk, talk about things we remembered about why we fell in love etc. he had lots of advice but H wasnt changing? finally he confessed to having an affair!!! which i suspected. he said it was over and asked for forgiv. he was still home and i knew something was not right as u do when ur w someone over half ur life!! long storey short I caught him going to see her! he came home got on his knees begged me for forgivness said he was saying good bye to her. i made hime call her and i listened he said he wanted his family and it was over ya right! he continued not to change we just fought caught him in oct. he said it was over we kept going to counseling, caught her texting him again i kicked him out told him i wanted divorce i helped him pack his stuff! that night we fought on phone off and on til 2 am he was out driving so he said? next morning he called to talk to kids and i told him he was making a big mistake leaving his family for someone he didnt even know etcc. i asked where he slept he said in his car??? this ow is my H sisters best friend. i texted my sisterinlaw told her if she cared at all about her nephews she would tell her w frien to leave us alone******* the ow started texting me telling me he was w her the night before and didnt seem to mind he was married and it goes on and on!!! he confessed told me he loved me wanted to spend the rest of his life w me wanted to renew our vows on and on. we decided w pastors help we should start over date, he should get apt, and that he needed to win me over make me fall in love all over again etc.we started out good he stayed over xmas and new years, then he stayed at his guy friends we made a sched for when he could come home to visit really couldnt afford apt so he didnt do that. after two months of this he would stay and sleep on couch once in a while. one morning he had stayed he was in the shower and he got another text from her!!!!! i forgot to mention he changed his cell phone number so the only way his family could get ahold of his was our home number! he also called me to tell me where he was workin when he got to his friends at night, anything he could do to make me trust him? after i read this text which was just an everyday text she wrote r u there, it told me they had been talking! i gave him two choices leave for ever or move back home and sleep in our room? he texted her telling her he was moving back home to his family who he loved and he was sorry!! this was feb! he told me about his work email and gave me the pass code, i read some emails he had received from her they had only been communicating through email from dec 17 thru feb 7. i was so glad to read this because it explained alot i knew he hadnt talked to her or seen her since dec17. ther were some emails he didnt realize were still in the delete file because he wouldnt have wanted me to read them! she had big plans for them?? I dont know why but i do not think my H has any contact at all w her since then we r trying to make this work? he has told me he is sorry more then once but he still keeps his distance from me and i dont feel he thinks he needs to do anything special to win my heart? i keep waiting for him to wake up?? we arent fighting much at all anymore but not going out enough or doing anything much together! how long do u wait? i want to keep my family together but not sure how long i can do this? quiet
You can ask him to go to a Retrouvaille weekend with you. Check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for locations and dates. They will ask both of you if there is a 3rd party involved, because they don't want to waste their time on couples who are not ready to reconcile. But if he is really done with her, then Retrouvaille could help you. It changed my marriage completely!
Is been a few days and i have been waiting for some feedback ? my h continues to act basically like i am the one that had the affair, he has kind of a wall built up between us! he seems like hes keeping a distance between us.not sure if he is just afraid i might change my mind about staying w him or what?
i did let him know how i felt, i told him if this is all i get from him i dont want this. he kind of treats me like his sister or something?he never tells me he loves me any more, he really doesnt look at me just makes me feel like he doesnt care if i am around or not.
I am ready to throw in the towel w him I want to move forward!
SOrry, quiet, but I would bet that your H is still in contact with OW.
Do some snooping and get back to us.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Is been a few days and i have been waiting for some feedback ? my h continues to act basically like i am the one that had the affair, he has kind of a wall built up between us! he seems like hes keeping a distance between us.not sure if he is just afraid i might change my mind about staying w him or what?
it does suck i know - i suggest reading "not just friends" to help you understand what is or has been going on with your H, then if he is willing have him read it.
this only if he has had no contact with OW - otherwise you will be wasting your breath if he is still involved with OW. good luck
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I have heard from a good source that the ow is sleeping w her boss now! i am always snooping around, looking at email, phone, in car etc. before i could tell he was up to something, now it doesnt seem like it!
