Hope.

[LauraOh]

Hi Aphrodite, I will be lurking on your thread with great interest.

I too DBd before--6 years ago I got the ILYNILY speach. I, at that time, didn't know my H's LL either--and I never asked him to take the test--I just read the book and "knew" what he was pretty quick.

I made a ton of changes and our R was pretty good up until a remodeling project a year ago put us into a bad place--with me wanting to leave this time, since he had said before that he would never again go to a C. He was just a miserable person and then he went after (verbally--very ugly stuff) our 14 yo S.

(My H can be very verbally abusive--I didn't deal with that before when I was DBing, but I have been dealing with it now).

So this time I sort of initiated it, but it seems my H is now the one less interested in repairing the marriage. A couple of weeks ago he said he was going to see a L, but then he never did (I know how to detach, and it did seem to shake him up when I told him basically "fine" to his going to a L).

We have not had sex for 4 months now. H never touches me, never says ILY, he does nothing (although he did say he would see a C, and we did for 2 months).

He HAS completely done a 180 with our S. They are like the best of buds now, doing things together and going on outings. They sometimes include me, but more often do not. H is taking a vacation with S this summer with some (guy) cousins. I am glad they are going, but the C said I should have my own vacation with S, and my H will not let that happen.

So I am curious about your LRT, which I have been thinking of doing--basically I am doing ALL the work AGAIN, and I am sick of it.

[Shelby]

Hi LauraOh, Thanks for posting.

I know how you feel, I feel Like I have been doing all the work and he just takes it all for granted. He isn't happy, but he doesn't want to do anything within the marraige to change things.

I read some of your Sitch on your post and Our Husbands are a lot alike. I can not count all the half finished projects he has going on around the house, inside and outside.

Got to go now, kids are home, I'll try to post more later.

Thanks, A

[Shelby]

I am starting to get frustrated. I know I need to remain patient.
We have been living our normal lives, doing things around the house. visiting family over the weekend. But I still do not know where we stand, does he still have 1 foot out the door ? He wanted to tell the Kids we were divorcing when school was out, that is in one week.

I just hate the not knowing, I don't want to ask because it will force his hand, although I have jokingly mentioned the fact I don't know what he is thinking, He has not given me any verbal feedback.

I just need strength right now to make it through the next cople of days. Should I just come out and ask him straight out if he is still planning on divorce?

[Shelby]

I don't know what I should be doing...Do I still keep detaching or should I push it a little bit and see how he reacts ? Like should I offer to give him a shoulder rub or spoon up to him in bed ? Or should I still be keeping to my self. I want to start getting closer to him again, but I do not know if this is something he wants or would like.
any suggetions would be apprechiated. Thanks, A.

[Shelby]

Most mornings when he leaves for work I will get a kiss goodbye and he will say I love you,Lately and more often I will still get the kiss but the I love you is not said. That was the case this morning, It is sad how I seem to hear those words so much.
When I don't hear it it just sets the tone of my mood for the day. For example Yesterday he did say ILY, and I was filled with hope knowing we were going to make it, that we were going to stay together and work through this, today I did not hear ILY and now I am all stressing agian to UH OH did he change his mind again, is he still planning on leaving ?

I know I should not let kim have this much control over my moods. this is something I am still working on.

[Shelby]

We have been going back and forth. One day everything is fine, and the next he will just do something little to let me know he still is not 100% here. Yesterday I got a good bye kiss and an ILY before work, today he just left with out even waking me up. I don't think he has ever done that in the 16 years we have been married.
I wrestle with myself do I call/text him and say something about it or do I do an 180 and just let it be, don't say or do a darn thing.
I feel lost.