I guess Im mostly looking for a female perspective here , but I guess any guys that had a WAW and can offer insight is just as good.
I know there are alot of things Im responsible for that contributed to my WAW. She says shes not interested in dating anyone , says theres no one else, has even said she's not ready to quit on us just yet, but needs some space to deal with the hurt and neglect I've caused. We were in this position once before , albeit for different reasons from my POV about three years ago.
So my question is this. Generally speaking, when a WAW says things like " there's no one else" , " Im not interested in dating anyone " " I'll never trust a man again " and " I need my space for now , but Im not ready to throw in the towel on us yet , but its going to take a long time "
Do I take this at face value and thats she's being honest ? Or is she just trying to be " polite " or ??????????
TBH , I have suspicions that there really may be OM, but only based on reviewing cell phone logs to a specific number that keeps coming up mutliple times each day, but for all I know it could be a girlfriend from work. For that matter, I've discovered that I really dont care at this point if there is OM. Im still going to fight for my realtionship. It would just be nice to know exactly what Im deaing with. Issue's between us only , or competition.
I think the possibility of an affair is very high but only you will be able to find that out, call the number from a payphone or block caller id when you dial the number and see who picks up
I can do better then that, I next week when I have a few bucks to spare I can use a reverse look up site I have to trace back the phone number and get Name, address , property records , etc.
Im also going to call my service provider and see if I can get copies of the texts from her phone since its MY account , with her as an added user.
Like I said, this has really " woken me up " to just how important our relationship is to me and how terribly I've failed at showing that. Im not simply going to walk away without a tooth and nail fight for US.
Besides , from what I read in DR, most affairs burn themselves out in fairly short order anyway right ?
And I've heard others say that " Believe NONE of what you hear and only 50 % of what you see" or do I have that backwards ? LOL
when a WAW says things like " there's no one else" , " Im not interested in dating anyone " " I'll never trust a man again " and " I need my space for now , but Im not ready to throw in the towel on us yet , but its going to take a long time "
Sounds like an affair. Add the phone log and while you can never be certain, around here, I don't think I've ever not seen this add up to an affair....sigh
The first part = smoke screen. The second part = I want you out of the picture so I can more freely fool around, though, I hope you will be around for me if the affair does not pan out.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
I guess Im mostly looking for a female perspective here , but I guess any guys that had a WAW and can offer insight is just as good.
I know there are alot of things Im responsible for that contributed to my WAW. She says shes not interested in dating anyone , says theres no one else, has even said she's not ready to quit on us just yet, but needs some space to deal with the hurt and neglect I've caused. We were in this position once before , albeit for different reasons from my POV about three years ago.
So my question is this. Generally speaking, when a WAW says things like " there's no one else" , " Im not interested in dating anyone " " I'll never trust a man again " and " I need my space for now , but Im not ready to throw in the towel on us yet , but its going to take a long time "
Do I take this at face value and thats she's being honest ? Or is she just trying to be " polite " or ??????????
TBH , I have suspicions that there really may be OM, but only based on reviewing cell phone logs to a specific number that keeps coming up mutliple times each day, but for all I know it could be a girlfriend from work. For that matter, I've discovered that I really dont care at this point if there is OM. Im still going to fight for my realtionship. It would just be nice to know exactly what Im deaing with. Issue's between us only , or competition.
In my experience in studying HUNDREDS of these the things, this almost always (75-90%) means "I need space in which to conduct my affair, unencumbered."
In my experience in studying HUNDREDS of these the things, this almost always (75-90%) means "I need space in which to conduct my affair, unencumbered."
I don't have puppy's experience with married folks, but... I have dated a lot of women, and lived with more than is probably decent, and when they say things like "I am not interested in dating anybody" but they want to not be with you, they really mean they aren't interested in you. Period.
They are not going to join a nunnery, but your ego will probably not accept that.
It doesn't make it any easier when it happens to you and you didn't expect it though.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 05/21/1002:06 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Well , like I said, it wouldnt exactly surprise me if my suspicions turn out to be right on the money, and one way or another I'll find out soon enough, either from my own sluething or because I'll be seeing my kids everyday at her place and something will come out. The question is, how do I go about " busting it up " if it turns out Im right without just pissing her off further or winding up in jail for beating the snot out of the guy ?
Here's another new twist. She just had a doctors appointment today for kidney trouble and she was telling me when she dropped our daughter off that theres a high likely hood it will require surgery to correct, which will put her out of work for at least two weeks and smack in the middle of her time frame for moving into her own place.
I offered as kindly and unromantically as possible to help her anyway she would acceptand pointed out that maybe given what shes likely going to be dealing with that maybe now isnt the time to worry about " our issues" and put our pending seperation on hold while she recovers.
She has a consult on this coming Tues I believe and I can almost sense that she wants to put off the seperation and accept my loving offer of help in her time of need, but cant bring herself to say it yet. She started tearing up a little when I offered.
Well , like I said, it wouldnt exactly surprise me if my suspicions turn out to be right on the money, and one way or another I'll find out soon enough, either from my own sluething or because I'll be seeing my kids everyday at her place and something will come out. The question is, how do I go about " busting it up " if it turns out Im right without just pissing her off further or winding up in jail for beating the snot out of the guy ?
A: You exhibit self-restraint and NOT beat the snot out of the guy, and you stop operating from a basis of "will this piss her off?" and instead from a position of "What is THE RIGHT THING TO DO in this situation?"
Well I was more speaking hypothetically on the " beating the snot out of the guy " part. But I still need advice on how to " bust up the affair " if in fact there is one , without pushing her further away
