New Here..My story...need advice, please!

[Gardener]

You have to face that you have - for now - lost him to another woman. Your husband is cheating on you - breaking your M vows and taking his family down. So, Marie to H: "I know what you are doing and I will not allow it in this home any longer. You have a choice and you must make it right now. You can either cut off all contact with OW, be transparent with cell phones, email and whereabouts, and go to counseling with me to resurrect our M... OR ... you can leave tonight and I will begin interviewing lawyers Tuesday morning first thing. I will keep your clothes and personal belongings here one week - plenty of time for you to find a place. If you have not picked it all up by then, I will store it in the garage for you. But you may not live here and keep her."

Then you stand by it, lady. STAND. BY. IT.Greek

Absolutely dead on an put more succinctly than any cheating/betraying boundary I've read on this board. This is your exact script. Memorize it
And I would add to say this as you are about to leave the house for something. Anything. No immediate response or discussion should follow this.

[sandi2]

I feel a girls night out coming on..let him stay home with the kids, no matter how much he complains about it! And before that,a trip to the salon.

That's the spirit!

[Onthemountaintop]

To not take over another thread, I thought I'd post here about your upcoming surgery, Marie. these are just thoughts to consider, don't follow my ideas without considering your own situation.

My wife had surgery, too, while we were in-house separated after she asked for (again) a divorce. I made the committment to be there before, and I was after. I worked extra hard to help, but not for the M, but because I was happy to see her take care of her health (finally!)

Your husband may have many reasons, including fear of your surgery, for saying no.

You do need to reply, but you do not need to beg. If he doesn't care, he doesn't. If his fear/sin/whatever is blocking his care, anger will not bring it back.

I would suggest:
- arrange a daycare or something. The hospital may be able to help, but I'm thinking nanny or a trusted teenager who could stay overnight. Yes it costs $, but that is what happens when you are alone. If he's hooking up with another, you are alone for now.

- send the letter, but check for detached emotions. Tell him first what you are going to do, the cost, and then remind him of his earlier commitment. Tell him that you needed him for support physically and emotionally last IF you think you need to. He isn't there now, so short and sweet. Something for him to think about, not something for him to read about.

[marie2235]

Okay. I have tied everything to save my marragie - including going dark, exposing. (which he got toally eveil after I did that) Took everyone's great advie - thank you.

IT is to the point this is hurting myself and my kids way too much that it has to end. He has no respect for me or clearly for himself. Still hasn't admitted anything, but still cheating and it's getting worse. He even opened up a joint bank account with the little tramp - after all, she is only 20 and couldn't get her own.

So.. I have tried to find a lawyer I can afford, but can not afford one. Im not sure what to do next. Husband has told me that he has a lawyer he has done computer work for, so he is getting legal help for free. I have no credit card, no nothing. He told me he was going to "give me nothing" and make sure I get sc....." He is going to leave and take his money with him. And all kinds of other things.

So..what do I do? I realize I am so much better off without him, as painful as that is, becuase if he changed and was the person he was before, I would forgive him. He is mean and cruel, he ignores my attempts at coming to a agreement for a seperation. He told me I would get nothing I wanted and I would hear from his lawyer. But, yet, I can't get one. He is still living in the house, as "I cant afford to leave" If I kick him out, there goes his paycheck, too.

He has no interest in the kids, except to hurt me.

Advice? I have googled law, lawyers,everything for the state we live in. Tried to get help. No help to be found, except a free consult.

Did anyone else have the same problem? How did you handle it?I have totally reached the breaking point. I still love him, but I can't stand him, either. I wish he were gone, so it is not thrown in my fact everyday.

Thanks for any advice.

[didthehurt]

have you asked family friends for support? maybe somebody knows a lawyer that can do probono work?

[marie2235]

Tried that. Tried everything I can think of. Does anyone think it is a good idea if I just go ahaed and file and let him live here until I can afford to support myself and the kids?

That way, at least maybe I can move on and try to find someone else. Or is that a bad idea that won't work? Anyone ever done that?

Then, I think, well, if he doesn't move out, he won't realize what he has done and what he is missing. After eerything, I still have that tiny bit of hope.

[didthehurt]

i'm not sure...wife is asking that I move out and i want to work on M....so i'm not really sure what to tell you other than i got your back...

[marie2235]

thanks!

Its hard to know what to do when you are the one that wants things to work, but are at the breaking point. I have been thinking, that after trying everything, is to let them see what life is like without you. But, it could go either way - either they will realize what they are missing or they will get exactly what they want.

[pinhead]

Sometimes giving them what "they want" has an excellent effect. Instead of being a fantasy, they realize it's going to happen, and not on their fantasy timeline.