Hi! I hope some of the newcomers could help me with this. I want to move or make my H move from the bed, since we sleep like two girlfriends and he is so nasty that I gave up on holding him while we sleep. He does not touch me in any way during the day, so now I am the one that feels bad and does not want to initiate anything. I feel like a dog from the street that the first little piece of food sound wonderful. At the same time I am not sure if this is going to affect more our relationship.
Yesterday he made a big deal about the big topic “money” because I spend $20.00 to go to the movies, and he was questioning me about the amount I spend on stinking groceries. I feel like I am responding to my dad. I am very conscious person and save a lot by being a stay home mom, I cook all our meals, buy the groceries, clean, care for my boys. I am extremely devoted to my family. I was crying because I don’t want to argue with him, my parents fought a lot, so I answer to him calmly as what I spend at the groceries.
Thank you in advance,
Carlota
M44,WAH54 DS11, DS15 mine S26, D21, D15 his married 2yrs Bomb 12/09 Still in same house, he still waffling Trying to not worry about him and focus on me
I strongly recommend reading the boundary thread. Then set some boundaries:
I have not followed your sitch, but from this post, something similar to this:
"I understand that you are still uncertain of what you want. When you do not treat me like a wife, I feel disrespected. If you continue this behavior, I will start considering all my options, including D."
or
Show him you are MOVING ON and change your behavior. Be mysterious. Get all dolled up and GO OUT. Spend the night at a friends house. ACT AS IF you are getting your needs met by someone else.
TEST THINGS. Then DO WHAT WORKS.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Show him you are MOVING ON and change your behavior. Be mysterious. Get all dolled up and GO OUT. Spend the night at a friends house. ACT AS IF you are getting your needs met by someone else.
TEST THINGS. Then DO WHAT WORKS.
Yep, love this. Acting AS IF has made a big difference in my PMA. But just be careful to not play head games or do this just to try to make him jealous ... this is about you and feeling good for yourself.
Also ... not sure if you considered it or not, but your kids have gotten older and I'm assuming are in school ... what about a part time job? Your own money could go a long way to helping you feel more independant and strong ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thank you for the tip. I am going out to a friend’s house today, but I want to talk to him and tell him that I don’t appreciate him treating me with that “tone of voice”.
I am actively looking for work. I am a translator and interpreter (Spanish language), and if anybody and help me spread the work it would be wonderful.
Carlota
M44,WAH54 DS11, DS15 mine S26, D21, D15 his married 2yrs Bomb 12/09 Still in same house, he still waffling Trying to not worry about him and focus on me
Yesterday he made a big deal about the big topic “money” because I spend $20.00 to go to the movies, and he was questioning me about the amount I spend on stinking groceries.
Is your fridge filled with leftovers and you just stacked the freezer with future dinners? Do you have a history of spending money? Is there a concern over making minimum monthly payments on your bills as of late?
