I started writing about my long term sexless marriage(35+ years) here in 2006. I found the site after reading Michele's book. I will be eternally grateful to Michele for giving me the concept of GAL. I did Get a Life.
My story now has an ending. Not the one most of you want to hear but it is a happy ending.
I told the H back in 1998 he had 10 years to get therapy, see docs, do whatever he needed to do to become a husband to me in every sense of the word. I agreed to go to counseling or do whatever he wanted me to do. I was open to change and willing.
H did exactly nothing and in 2008, I moved cross country alone. H had been telling me for years that no one would ever want me and he was the best I could hope for. I had to find out for myself. I dove into the dating pool and for a while I had to admit he was right. I knew the odds were against me because of my age. But I learned something amazing. Quite a few of the women in my age group were matronly and grandmotherly...by comparison, I was hot. Heady stuff for an old woman who had never been wanted by anyone.
Then I met HIM. A real romantic gentleman. An intellectual. A writer, journalist, radio comedian, and news anchor. Educated and refined. OMG, he even chewed with his mouth closed and had real manners. He even dressed well. And very handsome. A 17yo acquaintance said, "For an old guy, he's really hot.". I learned what it was like to be wanted by a real man. As a friend, lover, and partner. It was an education in love and loving. He taught and I learned. He says I learned well.
He is almost a year younger than me and as of this writing, we are still together and very happy. Will it last? I think so but if I am wrong there will be no regrets on my part. Everyone deserves to be loved and I did without for too long.
My divorce from H will be done this summer. I hope he finds it within himself to change and finds someone he can love. Now I get to be poor but well loved. It's a good trade.
BTW, back in 2006, everyone sort of assumed I was staying for the money with H. Not true. I was the one who made most of the money. I was the one who lost in the divorce. But...MONEY CAN BE REPLACED. I only get one life and I wasted too much of it!
There is life after a sexless marriage. And there is sex after a sexless marriage. A lot of sex. It can happen.
I started writing about my long term sexless marriage(35+ years) here in 2006. I found the site after reading Michele's book. I will be eternally grateful to Michele for giving me the concept of GAL. I did Get a Life.
My story now has an ending. Not the one most of you want to hear but it is a happy ending.
I told the H back in 1998 he had 10 years to get therapy, see docs, do whatever he needed to do to become a husband to me in every sense of the word
......Everyone deserves to be loved and I did without for too long.
My divorce from H will be done this summer. I hope he finds it within himself to change and finds someone he can love. Now I get to be poor but well loved. It's a good trade.
...There is life after a sexless marriage. And there is sex after a sexless marriage. A lot of sex. It can happen.
Best of luck to all of you!
Congratulations! I am so happy for you. What an inspiring message about GAL. There is a sticky post about the steps and timeframe for the resolution of a SSM. A couple of the critical steps are when you work on your GAL and when your spouse desides to commit to changing and improving the relationship.
It sounds like you did the GAL, offered to be supportive of change, gave him lots of time to change and then moved on in a way that holds no anger. Again, congratualations and thank you for sharing your happy story. I wish you lots of happiness in the future.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
