What have you been doing the past two years? Anything shown signs of working? Is the EA still ongoing? What have you done for yourself?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Wow Coach, It is such a long story. I will try to summarize. So he is persistant about loving me more than anything in the world, but he is not in love with me. He says he would do anything to get that feeling back for me. (I guess I need to update my signature line) He actually moved back in 11/2008 due to financial reasons and some things going on with the kids. He was here and we got along wonderfully. We had a good time going out etc. He still went out with the EA or possibly PA (as I really don't know). He would say he was with one of his male friends. I always knew the truth. While we got along he always seemed to be distant. I knew he had a wall up. Our conversations were very generic. In Dec 2009, I busted him that he had been on a day trip with her instead of one of his males. And we had a really long talk. He said it was over (as in us). I went into the why, how, he hadn't tried not even a little etc. We talked for about 2 days for many hours. He said he knew what he needed to do...get rid of her. But insisted it wasn't about a decision between the 2 of us. It was just that he was not in love we me. I don't remember excatly how it had come up ...but he planned on moving out in Jan 2010. What I gathered is that he was going to go through some things and he thought it would be better to be on his own. He actually moved out April 2010. In Jan 2010 we put him in counseling but it wasn't frequent enough and felt like he was going downhill fast. So in Mar 2010 he admitted himself to the stress center. He is being treated for depression. He just went back to work.
I have been dark, other than conversations about the kids, since mid April. What started this is that I forced him to admit he wasn't in love with me at all at that it was over. Since I went dark, I stopped hugging him, kissing and saying ILY. He struggled with this. We now hug as he initiates which is often. He also tells me he loves me and I respond most of the time. He will send me txt about how much he misses me, would love to hold me etc. I initially felt by what he was saying this was mostly since he explained he knew what I was going through and wanted to be there for me. I told him it was too hard for me as it teases me for us to be like that.
Via text, he continues to tell me goognight mosts nights. Will occaisionally tell me he loves me and he misses me.
He insists on the hugs, and they are great warm and last for a few minutes sometimes. He will also give me a kiss on my cheek or forehead occaisionally.
Last night, he told me that he wanted our oldest while he was on vacation for a couple of days and I said that wont work as I planned a vacation at that time. I felt awful. I feel as though I should have been flexible. It started my crying (after he was gone) all over again. I felt like I had been strong for several weeks now. uggg. I sent him a txt that I will go another time. He said, no, don't worry about me.
So I don't know what to think about any of this. I think I should keep up with not contacting him. Let him initiate the contact. But what I am confused about is when I know it't ok to let up? Or do I just false hope. Is it too soon? This is soooo hard!
As far as the EA - I don't know if they still talk. I would assume yes. And he has weekends without or 2nd son, so he has time to go out. I know from therapy he has met other friends so he has other people he hangs out with. They had told him just to be on his own for awhile.
He doesn't mention D. But I brought it up early April as I flipped when I found out he gone out with the EA. He flipped out when I told him. Thank you for your help and advice.
irish_love __________________________ M 36 H 38 M 14/T 18 4 kids EA Bomb 03/2008 ILYBNILWY 06/2007 & 11/2007 H moving out 5/2008
What did you two do when you were dating? What are his LLs?
Depressed people feel hopeless.
Quote:
He says he would do anything to get that feeling back for me.
How could you change for your benefit to help him get that feeling back?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
