I'm back after 5 years,,unfortunately

[Optimust]

I hoped that I would never need these boards again, but am very thankful they are still running strong.
M44, H43, D14, D8, married 15 years.
History - Most my old posts are gone now, must drop off at 5 years, so 5 years ago in March, ILYBIMILWY bomb was dropped, I had a lot of personal issues to overcome, I.e. - drinking way to much being the biggest, but there were others. She moved into an apartment with the kids(then 9 and 3), and I quit drinking, sold our dream home, wiped out all our debt(another big issue at the time), and got a better job. Moved into an apartment near her to be near the kids. She had 2 EA going on at same time(one killed the other then died), I worked the steps Michelle laid out, and prayed a lot. And if you read my August 8th post, we got back together. The process was hard and enlightening, but worked, and therefore I am back.
Current sitch- On my days off, a little thing we would do is have fun in the bedroom after we got our girls off to school, very predictable, and usually pretty good stuff. 5 days ago was one of those days, and when I walked into the bedroom she bit my head off for nothing, I was very confused and walked out of the room and started cleaning house, soon after she came crying to me with an apology, and ’I can’t be intimate with you’, I thought she was just having a bad week, she does suffer from depression.
I thought more about other things she had said in the last couple weeks, about not liking me being grumpy all the time(stress from recession- debt climbing again), that I didn’t care for my appearance when I was around her, and she seem to be reluctant to say ‘I love you’ in response to mine when I would leave for work etc. All these things seemed very familiar, and so alarms started going off, had to check the old phone and text logs, and sure enough there were many multiple TM from the same number every day starting at 6 am until 11 pm, and at least one 10-30 minute phone call each day to the same number going back 2 months. Remember the two EA’s above? This was one of them back to haunt me 5 years later.
OM lives over an hour away from us, but then I remember over the last 3 weeks, at least 3 times my wife went to meet her friends alone, and was gone much longer than a typical friend visit over dinner was.
Two nights ago I brought up the subject: ”When you have contact with OM, I feel that it threatens our family and marriage, he only wants one thing from you, and I would like you to have no contact with him for the sake of our family”. This was the first time I have said his name in at least 3 years, and it definitely caught her off guard, she replied after 5 minutes of dead silence, “I think I want a divorce”, then went on “I’m not happy, I don’t like it when you tell me who I can be friends with” etc, etc. I asked how we got to this point, she went on some more, then said maybe she should move into our basement rec room, and that she needed some space to figure stuff out. I told her she could stay in the bedroom and I would give her the space.
Tonight she said she was meeting a GF for a movie, and then going drinking. She wanted to make sure that I didn’t have early shift tomorrow(normally to watch D8 while she goes to work for 2 hours). My concern is that she is meeting OM, and is going to stay the night on the premise that she got too drunk with GF. She already said that GF has guest room she could stay in if that happened, after I volunteered to be a DD.
So do I call GF, and confirm she is there or not? I do not believe she has had any contact with GF in last 2 weeks(per same phone records).
If this is not the right forum, please direct me to which one I should post this on.
Any and all advice is hugely appreciated, on any or all parts of the sitch.

[BWP]

Optimust - I feel for you, you are in the right place. Wait for the pros to weigh in and hang in there.