Quote 'then continue to have patience and make her prove to you she wants you.' Unquote
An excellent summary.
I always take as guidance the advice I received in an earlier post, 'Do the right thing - not what you think is best or easiest. Imagine what would God do in your shoes'.
Your summary condenses my thoughts exactly.
I shall follow this advice .
Thank You.
Regards, Gyn...
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Well it has been a few days on and I thought that I would just let my thoughts wander.....
Up to now she has been very angry with me since I told her that I could not trust her again.
A week ago she was upset and tearful and asked to speak to my boys. She said she was upset because she was missing my boys. She was going to see them in less than an hour and have them with her for the next 3 days.... Why the urgency to speak to the boys..? I do not believe that the reason for her ringing was that she was missing the boys. I do not know the reason, but I do know she was lying. I am confident in my knowledge of her to know when she is economical with the truth.....
Since this day she has returned to being helpful, and is not angry with me.
Mind you, she was angry with me on Sunday as I had not contacted her to find out when we would swap over the boys clothes for school on Monday. I said that I would have rung her whilst I was at her daughters, and picked them up late pm. She 'planned' to be out till late pm, and I should have asked first....
Is she upset because she has to make the first move in planning....? I always was laid back with planning, and followed her as I had no preference...Perhaps she wants to 'follow' a decision maker...
I don't care, to be truthful. Making decisions is not a prob for me - I tell a full Warehouse what to do - it is my job to be in control. But I try and allow her the option of expressing herself....
I know she has problems facing her with her course, home and bit of fluff...( see an odd post back), but she is being 'less' angry with me.
I see no difference yet in her overall attitude... She has not initiated contact, ect, but I do sense a difference...
What is the best / correct mind set to follow....
Regards Gyn....
Still collecting clouds..
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
when ever you have a chance to take charge with the kids activities, do so. Especially if it was lacking before.
Women are attracted to a man who TCB with the kids.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
To be honest, it is prob' the only thing that I fully control - even now. I want to see as much as I can of my boys, so I dictate the when and where for the boys.
With the other things, I never wanted to control my wife, so I allowed her the freedom to move and make her own choices. I thought that we could have our own worlds, but that they orbited around each other.
Perhaps, she saw this as me not caring..?
Oh hum.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I found out why she rang me in tears a few post back. Her OM told her that he wanted to move out as he was sick of sleeping on the couch all the time. He also wanted his own place and to be surrounded by his own stuff.
Since then, she has let him sleep in her bed with her even when the kids stay at hers. She doesn't hide it from the boys any more. Shame! She is so desperate to keep him, (his car and money), that she has to 'prostitute' herself to keep things as they are.
She is desperate for money - as mentioned in the previous posts. So I took the official route and had the CSA decide how much I should contribute financially towards the boys upbringing.
Turns out, that because I now have my boys for 3 days, every 3 days,(50/50 care), that I only have to pay half of what I was prepared to pay. Turns the screw and gives me more to spend on my boys.
The negotiations for Xmas have been finalized last night. I offered for her to have the boys Xmas morning - but she wanted more and so asked the boys for their preference.
I knew she would do this - and I had already spoken to my boys about what they wanted to do.
Turns out - truly from their own free will - that they want to be with me Xmas morn, and even told her what time she could pick them up, and what time they wanted returning to me on Boxing day.
So by trying to be clever - she lost more than I had offered her.
I did not agree with giving the boys the final say in this, as it would be like them trying to choose which parent they liked the most - this is not fair for a 8yr and 10yr old. Asking their preference is ok, but not making the complete choice their own.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
