I fell into the trap of giving her hope I want her back....! FUkc
Just had a tearful phone call from the WAW asking how everything is....... I replied 'OK thank you, good night.'
siht, I played that wrong...
But you want to keep the door open to reconcile, so I put my toe in the door, it seems I should wait for her to put her foot in the door...
I thought she had done so by saying she had not put in for D
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
you played the previous response poorly but what was wrong with saying "OK thank you goodnight"?
Stop second guessing everything, follow the advice, go through coach's recent reply to you, if you needed things explained in plain english he did that for you, read it, absorb that info, understand it, it's exactly what he says it is, read that post by gucci that you quoted, he is 100% right in that assessment.
You got scared because your wife mentioned divorce, guess what she bluffed and you folded your hand when you were holding the better hand. Smarten up, stop thinking that you've lost your chance here. She cheated on you, not the other way around and you are afraid to lose her? She should be afraid to lose you but you still have this loser mentality: chin up, chest out, shoulders straight, stand up tall & strong and don't forget that this is her loss.
Don't worry about you keeping the door open for reconciliation, that's where you are wrong, it doesn't work by you keeping the door open, if she wants to reconcile, and if you make her feel that things are over only then will the possibility of her feeling differently about you occur and only then will any chance of reconciliation exist and at that point, she will bust down that door to reconciliation if that's what she wants but it won't happen before then.
Why would you even consider taking her back if she's with another man? Seriously how low is your self-esteem that you would tolerate that? What's wrong with you bro? She's with another man, hello?!!!!
Why would you even consider taking her back if she's with another man? Seriously how low is your self-esteem that you would tolerate that? What's wrong with you bro? She's with another man, hello?!!!!
Boom.
That's it, right there.
Dude I went through a back and forth with my wife during our separation where we would both go dark for a while, then start to hang out again, and each time that happened I would say "Are you dating/seeing someone"?
Three times she said yes, and three times I said "have fun with that" and back away and went dark again.
After the third time I went dark for 3 months and found a nice girlfriend.
I did not "leave the door open"... At all.
My wife had to pry it open again.
And she did.
And I'm glad.
I guess the whole point of my post here was I wanted to say that I went through a 7 month separation, and from the beginning Rob and especially Gucci were dead on right about what I SHOULD have done.
It was hard as sh!t to do, though, so for about 5 months I ignored the advice, cause the scraps were nice. The scraps kept me going.
Ok, I'm rambling.
Man, if your wife is openly seeing other dudes or even going on dates, you just gotta get the hell away from her as fast as you can.
Seriously. Get a girlfriend. Walk away wives FLIP OUT when you get a girlfriend.
Four days ago I told my WAW that she is right, and that too much has 'gone on' for us to get back together.
I told her that I would never be able to trust her again.
She said nothing, just looked at me with a strange hard stare.
Since then I have avoided speaking to her when she has come over for the kids.
As for the girlfriend idea - my WAW has known for the past 3 months that I am out seeing other women, and that I have had 'ahem', relationships with 2 of them.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I have listened to all the advice given, and for my first separation, I did not follow it.
The second time I have taken the advice to heart, and in the main, have acted upon it.
I made the recent mistake in thinking that I should keep the door open for reconciliation.
I now feel deep inside me that this is wrong, and that I was only dragging out this sad set of events.
It is very hard to turn your back on your life partner - the mother of my boys....
But now that I have told her that I don't think I could trust her again, and that too much has gone on.... I feel numb...
I feel cold to her. I don't want to talk to her, be in the same room as her, or even look at her.
Ahh well, I am just rabbiting on and I am just collecting clouds.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Numb is better than feeling battered and bruised. Yep, it's hard to turn your back on someone with whom you've developed a long history. The numbness is your mind protecting yourself from too much pain. Don't trust it to protect you all the time, it'll evaporate at the most inconvenient times.
Let her go. Let her live her own life. Live yours the best you can. Find joy.
Hey Gyn... Just speaking from the the girlfriend comment I made...
My wife literally did not care about me sleeping with other women... It was when I found a girl I LIKED and started to develop the beginnings of an actual RELATIONSHIP with her is when my wife flipped out.
Big difference there.
And yeah, I know its hard to walk away and think "the door is closed"...
But really dude, the door is never "closed" as long as you are both alive, and especially if you have kids together.
Know what I mean?
I got to the point with my wife where I was so angry and hurt... I honestly thought there was no way in h3ll I could even speak to her again.
But, that faded over time.
It wouldn't have faded, however, if I did not get as much emotional distance between her and I as I could.
Well since I told her that I didn't want her back, and that I don't think I could trust her again she has been very angry with me. She only says the fewest number of words when talking about the kids and puts the phone down when she knows it is me on the other end after speaking to the kids. She has never exhibited these actions before.
I am a little amused to be honest.
In the past week it seems that Her bit of fluff is trying to find a one bedroomed flat so he can spend time alone and have his own TV and bed. He is so short of cash, He's selling his x-box on e-bay to pay for some repairs to his car.
My WAW is trying to find a smaller place to live as she can't afford the rent. The government will only help pay for her rent upto a 2 Bedroomed house - and won't help her fund the rest of her 4 bedroomed house.
She has no money.
She may have to quit her college course as she may not get the funding.
I have come to the conclusion that she may be angry with me as I have just helped to add to her woes these last few weeks.
And that a possible escape route for her has been closed from out of this mess.
Time to wear the 'big girls pants' for her I think.
Regards, Gyn
Ps The girlfriend thing has just opened itself up as well....!!
I am in detached amusement at the moment with everything.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I too have totally detached and was/am ready to live my life w/o W. I have gone out with other W and enjoy their company. Knowing what I know now helps tremendously with OW. with that being said, I still haven't clsed the door on my W. It's been three weeks since she called me to work on us. I do see some changes but there is still so much work to be done.
If you can see yourself with W in the future and want the life you always dreamed about, then continue to have patience and make her prove to you she wants you.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
