Well here's mine

[Barkley]

I've been lurking on this site for awhile now reviewing other people's stories to try and gain some insight into the madness that has overtaken my once loving wife. To give you a little background, we are both 39, been married for almost 14 years and been together almost 18. We have 3 children (2 boys, 8 and 10, and a girl 4). I always thought we had a happy marriage. Sure I had my faults, I drank way much and did not help with the housework and/or kids enough, but my wife never gave me any indication that it was too much for her or that she was unhappy in the marriage. We have thoughtful, happy, well adjusted children and we are financially secure (both work full time). I was never abusive physically or mentally and we hardly ever even fought.

She started showing signs of a MLC about 12 months ago as she started to go out with her girlfriends more (all wives of friends) – sometimes until 2 or 3 in the morning. I didn't think too much about it as the other wives were involved – they even had a “girl’s weekend” in Vegas. Then in September 2009, she decided to get a breast enlargement to help her with her “self esteem” as she had "wanted to all of her life" (I let her know that I loved her the way she was but that if that is what she wanted I was fine with it). We were both very happy with the results. She started working out more, and our sex life multiplied by about 3X. The going out continued though to the point of me getting upset and a few heated arguments. Sometimes it was to bars with the girls, sometimes it was scrapbooking, sometimes it was just going to one of the ladies homes and getting blasted. The fact was that she was not home with me or the kids for at least a couple of nights per week. I flat out asked her several times why she felt she needed to go out and she gave me the story about being a mother so long, and giving “so much” that she needed to let off some steam with the girls occasionally. I bought the explanation but told her we needed to come to some type of compromise about the amount of time (2X a week was too much for me) she was spending away from home. The going out slowed down and we got through the holidays. In January, however, it started again. I asked her point blank if anything was wrong, or if she was unhappy in the marriage. She flat out told me “No” and gave me the same response about letting off some steam.

In February, the day after attending a friend’s Super-bowl party, I was hungover after work and went to bed early.

The next day, she just told me she was just “so done” WHAT?????

Then, all of the sudden, all of this stuff starts coming up about her being depressed for two years to the point of wanting to crawl in a hole and die. WHAT????

Then supposedly I had “put her through hell” for the last 10 years. WHAT?????

OK….now I know something is wrong. Even though she had flat out denied any unhappiness several times, she told me “I should have known”. Can you believe that s#&t?

In any event, we both agreed to marriage counseling and I agreed to quit drinking cold turkey (which by the way it has been 3 months). I have also become “super-dad” and have been really doing double duty around the house. We both promised the counseler that we would be totally committed to the relationship for at least the next six months. The big problem is her attitude. Although cordial, she is cold, and when we do occasionally have sex, it is like just going through the motions. She resembles the women I married virtually in appearance only. In fact, even some of her close friends, think she is acting different. She still goes out quite a bit and insists that there is nothing going on (affair wise). That said, she texts all the time with her girlfriends and facebook’s about how much “fun” they are all going to have when they go out. They are all quoting song lyrics and acting like a bunch of single teenage girls.

You know what……I am getting RESENTFUL to the point of almost not wanting to be in the same room with her. At this point, I even feel indifference creeping in (which really scares me).
From everything I have read here, it looks like I could be in this thing for the long haul. I am not really looking for advice or anything, I just needed to vent.

[Barkley]

Oh...I also forgot to mention a couple of things:

1) she had a rough childhood with a dad who was a drug addict and she had to witness a very nasty divorce

2) she is Smoking Hot

[gman]

text's all the time....new breasts....out until all hours and you have little or no idea where she is?

she will tell you nothign is going on...i would seriously start thinking about gathering some intel - especially if you can get your hands on her cell record just to see the numbers she is texting.

gman

[Barkley]

Nah, I don't think so. In spite of all that is happened I do believe her that nothing is going on affair wise. We are both dedicated Catholics and that would be a HUGE no no.

Thanks Though

[Awoken]

[/quote] Nah, I don't think so [/quote]

Barkley! Read as many threads here as you can.
You've got a lot of red flags for some kind of affair.

I've only been here 5 months, and I've lost track of how many times I've read a newcomer say "I don't think so" only to find out a few weeks/months later what was really going on.

The important point is that if she is having an affair, it really changes a lot. You need to know the truth in order to understand what is going on.

Catholic or not, anyone can have an affair. Cheaters will lie, and will do things they never did in their previous lives.

PLEASE, PLEASE, read some threads here and consider the possibility!

Then, gather as much information as you can. Do NOT confront her until you talk to us here!

[Awoken]

PLEASE, PLEASE, read some threads here and consider the possibility!

Then, gather as much information as you can. Do NOT confront her until you talk to us here!

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Barley
I am sorry your here. Many of us have been here awhile and have seen many, many things.

Nah, I don't think so. In spite of all that is happened I do believe her that nothing is going on affair wise. We are both dedicated Catholics and that would be a HUGE no no.

I am not saying there is someone else, but it will be a good idea to confirm that info. My W and I said we would never cheat on each other that was the most important rule. I could confirm it early on in the process but since my sitch is heading towards D, I have learned W did hook up w OM while she was on vacation.

Please do not dismiss this idea!! Don't look the other way, if she locks or hides her cell phone from you that's a red flag.


Confirm, confirm confirm.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

awoken beat me to the punch. there are three of us who are thinking the same thing.

Confirm, then come here to discuss first!

[Barkley]

Ok.....duly noted guys. In any event, if there is OM, then the marriage is over and I move on.

[Barkley]

Well, her phone does lock when she is away? That said, she also texts in front of me all the time and her facebook profile is an openbook? I check he FB all the time, and she never even communicates wiith other men. Plus, two of the girls who she thinks are her "friends" are closer to me and would sell her out in a heartbeat if she was cheating. I am hopeful that nothing is going on, but I guess time will tell. The sad part is, I am not sure how much I would care at this point