OK after a year of seperation I'm back in the house due to a loss of job. It's odd. We seem to talk and joke like normal. She is currently seeing a guy 10 years her junior (nice MLC sign)and has said she wants a divorce and does not want to be with me but I am pretty much detached from it. I moved into my sons room.
I guess my question is how much intereaction do I havce with her. It's so easy to just start discussing stuff and joking but I don't get sucked in. I am going to start dating myself soon. I am just accepting the situation for what it is and trying to detach from the inevitable outcome but I will be needing some help every now and then from you all.
For example, last night we were getting ready to sit down and watch lost. Her BF texted her and they started getting into a text session with her giggling and I just didn't feel right so I got up and she asked where I was going and I said I'm not going to sit here whiule you get into a texting session with junior. I guess in hindsight I should have just gone to the bathroom and come back when she was done so I don't give their relationship anymore power than what it is. I think she relays this stuff to him and he probably gets a kick out of it.
What next, I understand your unemployment situation, but I think you staying in the house is going to cause more harm than good given her status with this OP. My advice to you is to try to stay somewhere else if you can while trying to find another job so you can detach from her.
Thanks Braveheart. Oddly enough I am about 90% detached. Last night she got all dressed up to go out on a date and it didn't bother me much at all. I see her for who she is. Someone I do not want to be with. I have been at this MLC for two and a half years (one year of seperation) and I am in a heck of alot better place than I was before.
I do not want to leave the house. When I was seperated I felt so out of control from a legal stand point that it created alot of anxiety. I would rather deal with her going out with OM #3 than me living somewhere else and having her bring him back to my house that I still own.
I'm going to start dating and GALing my tail off. It seems to work.
Yeah, why are you dating while your married? And on top of that your coming here because your wife is doing the same. Why make a jacked up situatuion even more so.
I don't get it.....
Sounds pretty manipulitive and hypocritical to me.
The only reason I'm asking is because you say " it seems to work."
I may be off base but work like how?
Makes her jealous or curious? Draws her in a bit?
I dunno. If you're done, you're done and that's fine. I was just under the impression that you're doing this to get a reaction from her. That to me, would be kinda crappy.
Thank you all again for your feedback. GALing helps me quite a bit. Dating is not meant for the W. I am no longer standing for my marriage. It's been over two years since the initial discovery of the adultery. I'm all done standing. She is adamate that everything is finished and it is pretty apparent by her actions and words over the course of two years that she is done with the marriage. She is low self esteem and looks to others who don't know her to pump her self back up again. I know too much about her underbelly and therefore I truly believe that she would never come around. That is just my opinion though. If I thought for a second that she would feed me a bone I might consider standing, but after two years I'm afraid I'm done.
Dating helped ME when I was seperated and alone, but I really am not 100% sure it is the right choice now that I live in the house with the children again. I am torn as what to do. I have completely detached from the outcome of our marriage, although I still do think about the pain sometimes and the loss of family. I am on the mindeset to divorce because I have had no other action from her to say otherwise. It's still odd though that we can interact in such a normal way. We can still joke. I got the I love you but not in love (lust) with you speech two years ago. Nothing has changed. She is still not attracted to me and now I'm not really attracted to her.
Ugh. This ride has been horrible, but emotionally letting go of the outcome and starting to do things for myself has helped emmensely.
