Is it OK to tell friends in the community that an affair is taking place? Will this help or hurt? I'm thinking of other parents from school etc. Her resentment would be APOCALYPTIC, and I am reluctant to label my wife an adulterer. But her little network of local moms would soon realize that the strong mom starting a new life is really just having an affair. Thoughts?
If you want reconciliation, then yikes, maybe not. But folks swear by exposing first, pissing off the WS, and then when the affair ends, supposedly the WS forgives the exposure.
Is there another way the info could leak and not be traced to you? For example, my SIL is next door neighbors with someone my WH works with. If she shared the truth with the neighbor, all the workplace would know and "I" wasn't the one who leaked it.
Could you arrange something like that? Where another party who knows the truth shares the info?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I'm as pro-exposure as anyone here other than maybe Allen, but I don't believe in just exposing scorched-earth to everyone. OP's spouse, both immediate families (including adult children and possibly teen children of the affected family), employer (if they work together), plus maybe any "best friends" who may be in a position to exert some influence on the situation, IF you know they will be supportive of your marriage.
I also don't think there's anything wrong with telling your OWN best friend or two, if you feel you need a confidante, but I would ask them to be discreet.
Beyond that, I certainly wouldn't lie if anyone asked me directly, and I would TELL my wife (and I did), that "I have decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair." But I wouldn't expose to such a wide circle. Those folks aren't in that much of a position to exert positive influence anyway, and it only makes the reconciliation that much more difficult, in my opinion.
I also think that may be over exposure. You may need to think through the lasting permutations of the different avenues of exposure.
For example, in my case, I REALLY wanted to expose to the OW's husband. But then my mother warned me that since the OW was his student, he could end up losing his job. I knew I'd need his income, with or without him at home, so I let that idea go.
So think about the ramifications, like, for example, would both of you be mega uncomfortable every time you went to a school function. Because, know that info like that spreads around schools like wildfire.
