he won't end the affair

[brenalim]

i need help from this forum. I need to understand why he won't/can't give up the OW. I discovered the affair four months ago and i've been waiting for him to end it with her. he says that he can't do "cold turkey" because he's afraid of the 'void' it will leave in his life. he wants to "phase" her out. He says that they're "just friends" but honestly I don't believe that. Even if I did, i'm still not okay with it. I've made it clear to him that i'm not okay with an open marriage and that I won't stay if he won't give her up. then he cries and begs me not to leave him. he loves me... he's not leaving me for her... etc. my heart just breaks all over again. how can i leave and hurt him so badly? i know what it's like to be hurting and i don't wish this on anyone.
does anyone in this forum have advice for me?

[Allen A]

Have you exposed his infidelity to anyone yet?

Have you contacted a lawyer?

Have you collected boxes for moving out?

Have you found a GOOD Family Therapist for you both to talk to?

Do these things.

Your husband is manipulating you into an OPEN MARRIAGE... crying doesn't mean he's respectable... CHILDREN CRY...

DOING the adult thing does.. he's not

You need to prepare a confrontation script for him and you need to be prepared to follow through on it.

This phase out/just friends BS is BS. He's addicted and he's afraid of the withdrawal... He's being a big abusive child...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

i need help from this forum. I need to understand why he won't/can't give up the OW. I discovered the affair four months ago and i've been waiting for him to end it with her. he says that he can't do "cold turkey" because he's afraid of the 'void' it will leave in his life. he wants to "phase" her out. He says that they're "just friends" but honestly I don't believe that. Even if I did, i'm still not okay with it. I've made it clear to him that i'm not okay with an open marriage and that I won't stay if he won't give her up. then he cries and begs me not to leave him. he loves me... he's not leaving me for her... etc. my heart just breaks all over again. how can i leave and hurt him so badly? i know what it's like to be hurting and i don't wish this on anyone.
does anyone in this forum have advice for me?

Brenalim,

How many THREADS have you started?? It's impossible to follow your sitch.

Puppy