Needin' support/advice during new phase of this!

[amg2]

I'm starting a new thread as I enter a new phase of this horrendous journey. I need to hear that I'm doing the right thing and stay "on my game" as Puppy said.

My H and I have been separated for 3 mos since he was caught having two phone/text EAs that he claims weren't physical. During these three months I've done a lot of DBing, and really I've had a life all along, even if sometimes too depressed to live it. But he has done basically nothing. I contact him, we talk. I invite him out, we go out. But he has not gone to counseling as I indicated was required for me to consider staying M to him and gives me basically no support. I've missed way too much work and drive my self into the ground going over cell records.

Last week I (pretty casually) asked him about some IM activity on his phone. To make a long story short he told a big twist of lies. I now think that all along he's stayed in contact with someone while we've been separated. I am no longer willing to talk to him or see him. I'm having my friend change the cell activity password so I can't look at it.

If he's not worrying about our M, then I don't need to worry about what he is or isn't doing, right? Please confirm this to me. I feel like it's right for me to protect myself from him now, focus only on me and not think about him. But it's hard and I also kind of feel like it's a new ballgame now that I'm pretty sure he's been in contact with someone all along.

All advice, comments appreciated. This board has been a lifesaver. Here's my original thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1988646

Me: 37
H: 38--Caught at 4th EA; Could me more; definite MLC
No kids
T: 20 M:13
Hoping I don't lose my mind here!

[amg2]

Also, I'm not making a big stand to him about not talking/seeing him. I sent a text (thanks Puppy for wording) telling his to "do what he feels he must do. That I'll do the same. I hoped to avoid a divorce but my patience is not without limits."

I don't want to have a confrontation with him. What do I say if/when the time comes that he asks what's going on with me. Can I say something like "I don't deal in lies." Or "there's no reason for us to talk as long as you continue to lie."?

Thanks

[amg2]

I guess I should include that I have a suspicious phone number with this latest lie, but it appears to be a prepaid cell. I haven't have an OW to contact with any of the recent EAs. So that's not really an option unless I'd find something on the prepaid cell number which isn't likely.

Also, I'm not sure I want to save my M. I just know I need to focus on myself for once, for now, and hopefully do damage control.

Again, advice appreciated.