still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

HAHA!Thank you for thinking that Gatsby! I am a little worried that my lack of precision will get in the way but hey, gonna try anyway! (I can't draw a straight line with a ruler!)

[Cadet]

I have a question: what made you decide to start "peeking out" and going dim instead of dark? How did you transition out of dark?

Try this thread for your answer:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=190969&page=1

Reconnecting usually goes in reverse order of the bomb. LBS is last on the list, children, other people first.

I don't know if that helps.

[newmama]

Thank you, Old Pilot! That was very kind of you! I read it and alas, if only my WH was a MLCer. NOT that spouses of MLCers have it better (lol!) BUT that it at least offers an explanation and there are patterns.

Maybe if my WH one day realizes the mistake he made, reconnecting will look similar to that of an MLCer.

[newmama]

So I realize it is Mother's Day weekend so I might not have to deal with receiving paperwork yet.

WH came in through the garage "because it was open" but I did that on purpose to show that I had broken down the 15 boxes in the garage myself and was doing the recycling. Might as well make my actions of independence visible. He ended up mowing the side yard and had to dump out the grass in the yard debris so he saw that I loaded it with the rest of the branches I trimmed.

Now earlier S climbed the steps on the play structure and I felt like it was a milestone so I texted WH to tell him (I told him I would let him know about major things- being true to my word.) Yeah...I could have waited til he arrived to pick up S! But I kind of wanted him to see it, get excited, and then have to tell OW why he was excited. Don't know why exactly, but, I wanted to do it.

So then when he was done mowing, he came in and asked me about the climbing. I said he also has been pulling himself to a standing position like crazy and he said he noticed that, too. Then told me to watch out for the gate at the top of the stairs...won't bore you with the details.

He asked if S played in his play tent and he was choked up when he asked! wth?

OK so I know this wasn't the planned drop off, stay at the door, don't linger. But I felt like it was ok.

So then another thing-just interesting is all- he left a check for the daycare deposit. I looked at it and noticed it was just his name (no surprise) but had OUR address on it. When he opened his checking account last year, he also rented an apartment the same week. So why not put that address on the checks? weirdo!

Ok off to work out then get ready and hang with my new friend!

[Cadet]

Maybe if my WH one day realizes the mistake he made, reconnecting will look similar to that of an MLCer.

I didn't read your sich but yes that is what reconnection would be like. I do not believe that MLC or WAS is that much different!

[Piano]

Newmama, hope you have a great Mother's Day. Boy, with what you have been through, you sure deserve it!!! We'll all be thinking of your and your grace and courage, and mean cooking! (((hugs)))).

[newmama]

Thanks Piano! I am about to tackle the kitchen after I finish my coffee and DBing. It is Mother's Day for you, too!!

OK want to share a little about meeting my new friend. She is a free spirit type- yet responsible with her son, bills and money.

It was interesting to hear about divorce based on someone who didn't cheat or have an MLC. She and her H met, had chemistry, got married 6 months later, were married for 6 years, but he was "lazy, controlling, mean." So she divorced him. They stayed friends but 2 years later slept together and she got pregnant with her now 3.5 year old son. Apparently her ex is an on again/off again dad. She says she never had a dad, so she figures having one in his life is better than nothing as long as he doesn't abuse him or something. She says it will show him "what not to be like" when he gets older. ???? Interesting perspective!

She had a very rough childhood and said it all just showed her what not to do. She was overweight her whole life and was put down. She still is today, but is like a large hourglass. YET she is very confident, open minded, fearless, always can pick up a guy (one was a hot 21 year old surfer in Costa Rica- she swears by "international men" ) and is now looking for someone serious, not a fling.

So why do I tell you about her? Well because I need to learn from her- get some of her zest for life, and willingness to do daring things! I think I will stick to being cautious about men though (lol!)And we will do things again. She wants me to go to a kayaking event with her. Am trying to figure out a way to do it (complications around daycare for S).

[gatsby11]

I'm also interested in others' divorces. Your new friend's story is so interesting. I wonder how the ex-H explains it!

Back in March, I was on a plane. The two guys in their 30s next to me were discussing their divorces! It was so interesting. I was holding a magazine open, listening to everything I could hear, ha ha.

I remember:

+ Guy #1 saying that he cried a lot at the time, worrying that he was hurting his daughter
+ Guy #1 saying that his ex-wife and new wife are now best friends, to the point where he's a little weirded out
+ Guy #1 said that his new wife was everything he ever wanted
+ Guy #2 I couldn't hear as well (he was right next to me turning away from me) but he expressed being so happy to be away from his wife; she was apparently horrible
+ Both guys were really active in their kids lives, even though they weren't with the mothers.

Guy #2 by the way was such a player. He was probably actually in his 40s and was a musical event planner, so his life revolved around parties.

Guy #1 was a more stable type of guy-- also was in the music biz (they knew each other slightly thru work)-- but he lived in a suburb and was into the family thing

I was most interested in Guy #1's story. I assume it was sort of a mutual divorce, since the ex-wife and the new wife are BFFs now!

Anyway, just had to throw that in.

[bestraongforyou]

Hi newmama, happy mothers day - remember me ? - just wanted to let you know that I am still following your thread even though I am rarely posting myself

[newmama]

HI Bestrong! Yes I remember you! What is going in with you?

Gatsby- I am definitely interested in other divorce stories too.
I hope to find out out what happened with the other 2 single moms I met when I see them again.

Today's Mother's Day was a mix of emotions.
I kept thinking that I wouldn't be a mother if it weren't for WH and then he left me. I felt proud to be a mom at one point and depressed as hell the rest of the day.

Yes, WH gave me a card from S and a gift card to a pub. I actually really needed help with S while I was getting ready for my family so WH offered to feed him "if I would let him" and I said please do! and he took out the garbage but asked me if it was ok-it was on the way to his car. I don't know if he could tell I had been crying. I don't care frankly if he knew.

While he was there he made chit chat about S and I let him but I was honestly distracted half the time. I also asked about a couple of dates in the schedule for visitation so I can go to the zoo brew (didn't tell him what I was doing) but made it clear I was trying to figure out plans.

Anyway I HATE how if I have a good day, the next day is low! And no, I don't have bi-polar disorder! It is probably adjustment to everything.