I was hoping to get a few more opinions before deciding on my next one-month plan. My problem is that *some* things are working, but it seems like the big things are not. Glim gave me some excellent advice, which is basically to be patient and not let my anxiousness get the best of me. I'm wondering if that would be the consensus opinion here?
1. Be present. 2. Listen more/talk less. 3. Stop being so controlling. 4. Have a shared reality (she told me that she thought her version of events was the "truth" and mine not).[quote]
This could be my own list of top 4 things to work on!
I would word them a little differently just for myself:
1. give my attention, not just my presence 2. hear what he's saying, not what I think he's implying (my interpretation) 3. practice self control 4. let H know when I agree with his point of view
I am sorry to find you here. I hope you can feel the help and support that is around you.
I would word them a little differently just for myself:
1. give my attention, not just my presence 2. hear what he's saying, not what I think he's implying (my interpretation) 3. practice self control 4. let H know when I agree with his point of view
Thanks Reeling. It seems like 1 and 2 are simply practicing good listening skills, which up until d-filing, my w said I was always the best listener. Of course I wasn't otherwise there wouldn't have been a d-filing!
Point 4: not sure. I may not always agree, but I think my w wants to know that at least I understand her. She doesn't even have to know that I agree/disagree in that particular conversation unless it's important for some kind of decision. Is that consistent with your thinking Reeling?
but I think my w wants to know that at least I understand her. She doesn't even have to know that I agree/disagree in that particular conversation unless it's important for some kind of decision. Is that consistent with your thinking Reeling?
Yes, definitely consistent. Everyone needs empathy! I am just thinking that you could agree with her that a specific thing was difficult (for example) without agreeing to her exact picture of the details.
You have gotten some great advice from some veterans. It's hard knowing patience is called for when you are struggling to have any.
I was hoping to get a few more opinions before deciding on my next one-month plan. My problem is that *some* things are working, but it seems like the big things are not. Glim gave me some excellent advice, which is basically to be patient and not let my anxiousness get the best of me. I'm wondering if that would be the consensus opinion here?
the guy from the journal is he still in the picture?
the guy from the journal is he still in the picture?
Huh, no. There's no other man in this situation. My w is simply reluctant to giving it her all in our marriage and I'm wondering if I should be changing my strategy at this point, given we are in counseling and we are having weekly counselor-ordered "dates," which might ramp up in time and frequency, again ordered by the counselor. Of course I'm glad we have such dates and love those opportunities. I'm just concerned that might w might be one of those people for whom fear of loss is a bigger motivation than seeing the positive in me right now.
Pleassssssssssssssssssse! I need some advice. Does anyone have any experience about marital counseling just not helping progress and having to follow the LRT plan? Things haven't gotten better since my last posting and I just don't feel like the five months of counseling we've had has not helped at all--we have no better relations and no progress towards marriage.
And my w admitted a few days ago in counseling that she doesn't love me (not a big surprise otherwise she'd be working on the marriage) and that she does "nice" things for me not from deep feelings but to improve our relationship. So, that pretty much summarizes the effects of counseling for 5 months: no love and some "nice" things. LRT time?
