Hello, About 3 weeks ago, my wife surprisingly filed for divorce. She filed on the day of our 2 year old's birthday and didn't tell me until 2 days of birthday party's were done with and after her being highly interactive with my family.
Anyway, since she has done this, she absolutely will not talk about our relationship and is showing a nasty side of her that I have never seen.
The powder keg that blew this off was that myself and her father had an argument about her car. She had asked me to apologize to him and I made a huge attempt and did so, sincerely. 3 days later she filed for divorce.
Anyway, I am in dire need of some help. After reminding me constantly over the past 4 years that she took our vows seriously, how could she be acting so cold and almost downright mean.
We have a 2 year old daughter, and I do not want her to be brought up in a broken family.
Also, we are still living in the same house. She does not work during the day and we run a dance studio at night. So every night at least I am getting to be with my child.
She simply will not communicate anything. At one point she said "my lawyer is in control of our relationship". Any plans for the kid and needs for the house are done via a dry erase whiteboard.
Mentally stable people don't file for divorce over car arguments. Either she ISN'T mentally stable (any history of mental illness with her?), there's something you're not telling us about your own contributions here (have you been abusive with her?), or she's having an affair (have you checked?).
My wife did exactly the same thing. She told me she wanted a divorce right out of the blue.
She has also showed a nasty side to her which which was not present during our 15 years together. No talk of our relationship, straight to divorce courts.
I do not know if this the same here, but my wife was waiting for an 'excuse' to have an altercation to announce the bomb. All WAW's have a plan, mine did, she told me later that she had 'planned' the moment she was going to tell me.
Listen to Puppy. The script here is similar to mine, and I found out later she was in a PA with a gym 'friend' of mine. I hope this is not the case here, try to gather some information.
Has she been physically distant lately, staying out longer, keeping her mobile with her at all times?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Puppy, Lots of history with mental illness. Shes been on every antidepressant in the book. I've never been abusive toward her. We have had our fights, and they have gotten intense but never abusive.
Physically distant? we live in the same house. She doesn't work except for the dance studio we both own and we live above it. She rarely leaves the house, her car has maybe 50 miles put on it a month. She also carries everything in her purse now which is always on her, including her phone.
I highly doubt shes having an affair of any type, however i'm not 100% on that. All she does during the day is sit at home with our two year old daughter and occasionally goes out to her parents house.
I'm just really confused with this whole situation.
Is it fair to say that filing is hard enough, but not knowing why is the worst?
Maybe some self-examination can help you find some clues. Along with some 180s to improve yourself, you might find things you aren't satisfied with and improve them for the sake of yourself and your daughter.
Stop talking to her about the relationship. You can't change her mind through talk.
Protect your child! If mental illness (even if it's limited to depression) is serious.
Don't for one second think that she could not be emotionally involved with some man.......simply b/c she never goes anywhere. I had an EA with a man over the Internet. Gross, huh? But it happens....to a lot of women....and often.
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She also carries everything in her purse now which is always on her, including her phone.
Big red flag! Watch to see if she closes out her computer screen whenever you walk into the room. If you know how, check for any "private" email accounts she could have. There are several ways she could make contact with a man she's never met. It can fool her emotions into thinking she's ready to drop you tonight and marry another man tomorrow.
Hope I'm wrong about an EA, but if it's not that, then she needs a doctor to find out what is wrong b/c it's not normal for a healty, happy woman to suddenly decide this without wanting to at least have a "talk".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok everyone. Please give me some insight here as i am confused as much as one can be.
On 4/30, I did the major 180 as well as incorporating some Last Resort stuff.
Sat and sunday, the wife was her normal, bubbly self. started doing community laundry again, as we were eating dinner on sat she suggests we go to get ice cream as a fam. Sunday, she went to her parents but came back in a good mood again, then again we went out for ice cream and then to a local park to let our 2 year old run around.
this past week, wicked mixed signals. she's watching TV again with me, proposing "contests" like who can do pushups with our daughter on our back, had lunch ready and waiting a few days this week, is still doing the laundry (even though I am doing my best to help out and tackle as much house work as I can).
Last night I didn't sleep well and this morning she says to me, "Ryan, why dont you try one of these things that our Dr. gave us tonight. Just make sure you aren't going anywhere after you take it because you'll be out in 30 minutes...)
Why the heck would someone who has filed for divorce (3/26) even want to spend time as a family together, take time to make sure my clothes are washed, make meals, care about me enough to try and help me sleep and here's the kicker... We're starting our evening walking again with the 2 dogs and our daughter.
SO CONFUSED! If I could get any perspective's that would be awesome...
