Working on a NEW marriage

[Surviving03]

I have decided to move from Newcomers to here... I know the threads here are not as busy, but I figured I would give it a shot.

Here is my Original Story
And below in my signature is my current Newcomers Thread.

My H and I are currently working on reconciliation, its only been a week and half so far. So far so good.... H basically maintained his D position for 2 months straight and then just as it was almost time for me to leave (currently live overseas on a military base in Turkey, paperwork had been put in for me to go home to the States due to this situation) just as the paperwork was one signature away from being complete, and I had started to completely detach, H suddenly turned around a full 180 and was ready to do whatever needed to stay together.

Needless to say, I was shocked, it came at a time where I least expected it. And I was very very hesitant at first, the first few days I struggled trying to decide if I even wanted the M anymore myself. I decided to take it a day at a time and see how H acted and see if I really saw some signs of hope for a new and improved and happier M for both of us.... although it has been a short period of time since the "turn around" I feel more and more secure in the decision to work things out with my H every day. He is doing a wonderful job making me feel like he is genuine.

I want to stick to these board though because this is a journey and mine is far from over. I dont want to find myself in the midst of another bomb and I want to stick to my changes that I am making for myself and for the M. I hope this forum can start seeing some more action from other people in the piecing stage....

[Wildaces81]

Yay S03, its is awesome that you are here. I'm glad that things are working out for you and your H. Good luck to you

[dday101798]

Hi 'S03',

Congratulations on sticking it out. Usually I steer far from situations where the couple has only been M but a couple of years and things get so bad they end up here.

Every M is tested it seems around the 2 year point, mine included. From that, all I can say is make sure the issues at hand are not just swpet under the rug to manifest and return years down the road and be far far worse, and the work far far harder.

[Surviving03]

Thank you Aces and dday! Dday, I get what you mean about couples only married a short period of time and get into trouble like this. I felt VERY discouraged about my sitch for that fact alone... That was a big driving factor as to why I wasnt sure I wanted the marriage anymore myself... I thought if this is happening after only 2 years, what kind of life do I have to look forward to?? But then I thought, and also my DB coach had said, sometimes when people find themselves at this point 10, or 20 years down the road... it wasnt that the problems in the M had just started, they were probably happening for all those 10 or 20 years and peoples breaking points are different... so basically I can get to the root of these problems now and save ourselves 20+ years of this same stuff... thats how I see it. Dr Phil said once on his show, or on some show he was on, I think Rachael Ray, he said the first couple years of marriage can be the hardest, and sometimes when people discover their unhappiness in the marriage 20 years later, they werent growing and improving for 20 years, they were living that first year of marriage 20 times.... he said it differently than that, but you get the point. So that stuck with me and I realized that even though this happened after only 2 years, we just might be better off for MANY years to come!

[dday101798]

, they were living that first year of marriage 20 times....

Huh, I can vouch for that, after our intitial problems in our second year of marriage, every year since we had MAJOR issues during the period of time in which those problems occurd.

[Goodfight]

Dday, sorry everybody for bumping. But could you please read what happened to me yesterday? I really messed up big time DBusting and really need your advice.

Cat did respond but I think she is done with me. And I don't blame her at all.

[Surviving03]

so for those who have read thru my sitch... knew I was pretty concerned about H possibly getting orders to Nellis AFB in Las Vegas (where OW lives) but he got his next assignment and its where I wanted to move which is in Georgia! So that was nice to find out this weekend....

We are both pretty excited about it, we have some friends out there that were in our wedding and so I think it will be nice to be around them again and they are also a very positive influence type of couple.

H and I had another good weekend, spent it together one night at a friends house for dinner and the next night watching movies cuddled on the couch together.

Last night "The Break-Up" was on TV and there was a part where Jennifer Aniston was talking about how she just wants Gary to appreciate her for all the stuff she does, and H turned to me and said I appreciate you honey and all the stuff you do

I have started doing the Love Dare, on the second day today... Im going to stick it thru and do the whole thing

[Lost Rabbit]

Welcome over to piecing, its a bit like a M over here we post in fits and starts but someone is always around..

First thing every one always tells you is this is where the hard work starts.. because you now know which ever foot the boot is on that you can either hold your own or walk!

Will try and read through your sitch at some point soon, just wanted to say welcome!

[pearlharbr]

S03, I haven't read through your sitch but I want to welcome you to Piecing.

Lost Rabbit is right, this is where the hard work starts. It was tough before but it's going to get a lot tougher.

Do you have a transparency plan in place? This is extremely important when there is OP in the picture.

Also, I would advise you to go slowly. I know that everything may seem all hunky dory right now but if you don't address the issues that got you in trouble in the first place then they will come up again. Don't sweep things under the rug, communicate and figure out how to make things stronger.

[steady]

Read pearlharbr's last post. Then read it again. And again till it really sinks in.

I think that's one of the biggest tripping points in putting a R back together. When the other person responds positively and thinks get back to they were in the beginning of a M then the trap of complacency can set in.

Keep your eye on the ball and don't let the issues creep into the shadows.