Will LRT increase WS attachment to OM?

[LightMyWay]

Thanks, Allen A. I've exposed W's affair to my parents, her parents, her best friend, and two of our very good friends. I've been debating whether to expose to more people, like a few more good friends. I just read your post on another thread about exposure and may follow that advice since you seem to think it'd be a good thing.

[Allen A]

Exposure CAN help...

The best test to determine if it would help you is this

Ask yourself

"Would my spouse be UPSET if I exposed what my spouse and OP are doing to me, themselves, our marriage, and our family?"

If your spouse will be upset, that means they do NOT WANT you to expose their affair... It means that they are VULNERABLE THERE...

So you HIT THAT .... HARD

PS : Share your exposure script here if you can... we can evaluate your exposure efforts better if we know what you are saying specifically

[MrBond]

LMW,

Have you ever thought about what you're going to do and treat your W AFTER you've exposed.

One of the many problems that I see on the boards are that people go expose to everyone who will listen, but don't have a clue as to what to do after. Are you prepared to deal with the anger, resentment, etc? If your goal is to save the M, what steps are you going to do afterwards to attract your W back?

After you expose, she's going believe that you can't be "trusted" even though she was the one who did the cheating. How are you going to re-establish that "trust"?

[DCBHM]

If your goal isn't to save the M you shouldn't expose.

Also, be prepared to deal with an angry lawyer if you are in the middle of a D.

It didn't quite work for me, other than to facilitate a settlement when I subpoenaed OM to show up in court with her family.

[Allen A]

Nice

Exposure's success is heavilly dependent on the maturity level of the exposure community...

if you and your spouse hang out all day with overgrown children with paycheques, don't expect any adultlike support...

[LightMyWay]

On the surface my spouse doesn't seem to care. She feels like she's made the right decision and claims to be happy. She says I should tell whomever I must whatever I want to because she's comfortable with her decision to exit our marriage for the OM. Since I've only told our families, her two best friends, and my best friend, it's hard to say if she really means what she says about not caring. Maybe she would care if I exposed to more people.

She did tell me her father isn't speaking to her, and I know her mother isn't very pleased with her behavior either, even though they still talk on the phone. One of her best friends doesn't have much contact with her anymore, and I'm not sure about the other one. There is another mutual friend that I could expose to that would put more pressure on the affair.

Given that my WS hasn't changed her mind yet about wanting a divorce, and that I've been doing LRT and maintaining NC except for separation/divorce business, I figured I'd continue with that. I'd love to rebuild friendship and even marriage with wife, but, don't forget that WS is living apart from me now, supposedly with OM. Until she leaves him, isn't LRT the best course to take? I don't want her to have the best of both worlds.

Thanks for the continued advice.

[WhatNow]

Until she leaves him, isn't LRT the best course to take?

Yes. So don't do this:

She says I should tell whomever I must whatever I want to because she's comfortable with her decision to exit our marriage for the OM.

That is, do not have exposure discussions with her. Anything beyond, "I am fighting for our marriage, I am doing everything I can to save it and you from a huge disaster", shouldn't be discussed with her.

[LightMyWay]

Thanks for clarifying. I don't think we talked about exposure. She assumed I would tell people and feels bold enough to say something like that. She's still in the addiction/fog stage, I believe.

[Allen A]

If she's not concerned about exposure she has likely already run a smear campaign on you... That's what they usually do as a pre-emptive strike against them looking like the bad guy...

[lees]

And then as I understand it, all we can do is wait for it to end.

Or not wait for it to end and walk away ourselves.