Completely Blindsided

[blind]

It that what detaching is? Getting so tired of the pain that you end up numb? That sucks.

I'm tempted to go NC... not because I think it will help my sitch, but because I've got to start living for me and not living for her email replies.

And yeah, if they're not willing to try, not making any of the effort, then it starts to feel like beating your head against a wall.

Facebook is a toxic thing in situations like ours... I need to do the cull. I'm still not ready, but I'm getting there.

I know what you mean though, I'm feeling oddly like the last 10 years didn't happen... I never left home, I'm still here, and didn't fall in love at all.

I've been getting loads of time chatting with mates online the last few days and they've all been fantastic. I have some really special people around me, and that's just awesome. I need to count my blessings and remind myself of just how lucky I am.

... hard to see the woods for the tress some times.

[fullmoon]

Hey B, just dropping by to see how you're going.
Being more and more away from this site must be a sign we're detaching quite well? ;-)

Recently I had an unconfirmed finding... could it be that H may have ADHD.
So many symptoms are familiar, the more I read it's like finding a missing puzzle piece... it'd explain so, so much if he does have it.
Not that it'd help our situation. But it will help have H better quality of life if his behaviour is defined.

[par4me]

Blindsided is a perfect name. Every one of us never saw this coming and never thought that it would happen to us just to other more disfunctional people.

[fullmoon]

I'm not sure what you mean by 'dysfunctional' but anyhow...


There are things about H that set him apart from others, memory lapse, constantly disorientated, not being able to sit still (fidgeting), always on the go, exhausted even when not busy, extreme indecisiveness, brilliant (if not genius) in his field of interest.
He went for tests for exhaustion but the doc could not find anything.

[blind]

Par: Thanks... I felt blindsided by it. She never voiced any problems. The last time we were together was among some of the most tender moments we ever had. She cried at the airport and promised to join me soon.... even to the point of saying "You keep worrying like you don't think I'm coming with you. Nothing could keep me away".

It wasn't like we'd been arguing for months and something finally snapped... she left.


Moon: ADHD could definitely cause big problems - some of the stuff you're mentioning sounds almost bi-polar to me. You're right, it doesn't help, but it's nice to know some kind of a reason to justify behaviour.

I wouldn't say that I'm detaching better.... I didn't sleep at all last night. I still haven't replied to her and it's been nearly a week.... but I just can't think of what to say. She doesn't seem to put any gravitas to what I talk about, and just wants light fluffy nothing... if she even wants that.

My imagination is doing stupid things too, and I'm having trouble shutting it up.

I tried reclaiming my good mood from last weekend yesterday, but it didn't come. So instead I'm just sleep deprived and moody... ready for work?

[TimeHeals]

I tried reclaiming my good mood from last weekend yesterday, but it didn't come. So instead I'm just sleep deprived and moody... ready for work?

I had a couple of days like that out-of-the-blue. They just ended when I started thinking about what I deserve. Snap, just like that, gone.

[fullmoon]

humph... why does it go up and down so unexpectedly?
One minute I think I'm going so well and suddenly I tumble. Although the 'doing ok' phase is getting much longer, I'm becoming seriously concerned if I'd be ok to relocate somewhere where I have no family/moral support.

I think this time the tumble came as I'm at the crossroads now to decide where to go. The small city I thought of moving to doesn't have enough job prospects and I'm now torn between where my H is, or the second largest city to avoid the expensive living cost of H's city.

Realistically speaking I don't think there is going to be a reconciliation. But relocating to another state so far from H will make it even more impossible.

[TimeHeals]

humph... why does it go up and down so unexpectedly?

For me, it's because I am bored, and then cues around the house set it off. Mostly, I am fine, but I am not going out of my way to do the GAL thing, and I know I need to do more of that if I am going to finish up this moving on thing.

[fullmoon]

Yeah i can totally relate TimeHeals. I think it's also set it off for me now as after the small operation I had, the doctor told me to rest until I'm given an ok... meaning no going out or exercising.
The first week I was unwell but now I'm full of energy and although there is a huge lot I can do being at home (I'm a designer so a pc& internet is all I need), my mind wonders away and when it's bad I have a difficult time switching it off.

[blind]

Time Heals: I do struggle thinking clearly at the moment (I think the anti-d's aren't helping with that too much)... but when I do, I KNOW I deserve to be treated better than this. I wasn't a perfect husband, but I was loving, caring and attentive. I never cheated on her, lied to her, abused her or let her down.

The dance classes are on 'term break', so my sleeping habits have been shocking. I didn't sleep last night.

Moon: The decision as to where to go is a really difficult one to come to terms with. I think I've got it nailed now... there's a small town south of Sydney, I can afford the rent, there are great dance schools there, and it's right by the beach. I don't know what work is like, but I'm a low level office administrator by experience, so it's not too hard to find work... people always need their phones answered.

The problem I have is that now I have no idea what I can do. This is supposed to be Divorce BUSTING.... I don't feel like I"m doing anything to help my non-existent marriage at this point.

I can see how I'm going to continue living with a life of my own. I just wish sometimes there was something I could do to FIGHT for my marriage.

There's just not. Bugger